


The Forgotten Wife

by Lady_Jane666



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Negan (Walking Dead) Swears, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), OCs everywhere, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Negan (Walking Dead), Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Rivalry, Simon and Negan are rivals kinda, Slow Burnish, prompt fill gone wild, slight daddy kink moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-04-20 16:43:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Jane666/pseuds/Lady_Jane666
Summary: You are a former wife of Negan, who made the bold choice to leave him and go back to working for points when you learned you were pregnant over 2 years ago in order to protect your child from the horrors you believed Negan would inflict upon you both. Having hid in plain sight for nearly two years with Negan's son, Simon...Negan's Right hand man... points out to Negan how much the boy looks like him. Negan confronts you about the father of your son and you tell him the truth... unknowingly starting a chain of events that would forever change your and your son's life.Based on an ANON request on Tumblr.((NOT AT ALL RELATED TO MY FIC THE CHOSEN WIFE))





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fill request from an Anon:  
> I have a small idea about Negan’s less than favorite wife finds out she’s expecting and she think Negan will hurt her if found out so she opts out of being a wife and Negan is fine with it and doesn’t give it a second thought and let’s her work for points again and she seems to disappear-but he finds out the truth when Simon makes a comment about how much the former wife’s kid looks like him maybe when theyre eating in the cafeteria?

It was funny how quickly everyone seemed to forget your name and who you once were when you just became another worker. It was a blissful ambiguity that you had come to enjoy in the last two and half years since you stopped being Negan’s wife. You were no Amber or Frankie, you were just one of the rare women who actually thought you could get Negan to love you by marrying him. In the life before you had a type, the rough around the edges type of guy. The ones with bad tempers and foul moods. In your mind you thought you could fix them, that your love would save them from themselves. Negan was no different in your mind but he was. Your exs didn’t have a half dozen other wives to chose from and he barely seemed to remember your name back then.

He would come into your room, have his way with you however he so wished and then just leave. He never had a kind word, glance or touch for you. He did his “duty” and that was all. When you discovered about six months into your “marriage” with Negan that you were pregnant nothing but sheer panic filled your body. There were a thousand worse case scenarios running through your head in the days after you had your first suspicions. It was not long before you came to the only safe option, you would ask Negan to work for points again and hide in plain sight. 

Negan didn’t care in the slightest when you left. Or the dozens of times he walked past you in the gardens while you were working while pregnant. Or even when he walked past you and his son in your arms in the hall every day. He had forgotten about you and that was the best thing you thought that could have ever happened.

It was almost two full years after the birth of your son before there was even the slightest sign that anyone suspected anything, and it wasn’t even Negan. Everyday while you ate your dinner with your son, Deacon, in your lap Simon watched your little boy intently. Simon was nice enough to you over the years, one of the few who remembered that you were once the less than cherished bride of their fearless leader.

Your attention was peaked particularly on this day as you noticed Negan perched over Simon’s shoulder. Your gaze was fixed on Simon’s lips as you tried desperately to make out what he was uttering to your former husband but he had tilted his head just enough so you couldn’t make out what he was saying. That same sense of panic that you experienced during the early days of your pregnancy came back in a tidal wave of fear and panic. “Come on bubs..” You mutter to your son as you take a napkin and wipe the food from his face and set him down on the bench before standing up.

As you leaned down to pick Deacon up, his small arms draping over your neck, you noticed Negan’s gaze lock on you as he leaned in whispered something to Simon before turning away and disappearing down the hall. Your pulse raced as you lifted your son up and tried to hurry away. Simon quickly moved to block your path as you went to exit the dinning hall. “Well (y/n), how are things going for you sweetheart?” Simon asked with a coy smile as he blocked the doorway with his arm.

You shrugged nervously sifting Deacon’s weight on your hip. “Fine, thank you Simon for asking…” You say quickly trying to muster all the energy you had within you to mask the feeling of panic growing in the pit of your stomach.

Simon gave a little nod and leaned into to look at Deacon who was gazing wide eyed at the strange man with his large hazel eyes, _Negan’s eyes_ , you mind screamed in panic. As Simon leaned back he smirked. “That’s a very handsome little man you have there…”

“That’s very kind of you to say, thank  you…” Your voice was hiding less and less of your real emotions with each passing moment and Simon could see it, everyone could. He moved his arm from it’s position blocking the door to around your shoulder. You knew in your soul that this meant nothing good for you or Deacon.

Simon loomed over your shoulder as he leaned in and whispered, “I’m not the only who noticed your boy…” Simon’s voice was low, dark and sent a shiver down your spine. “Negan wants to see you… and the boy… in his private rooms.” Your heart felt like it was going to burst forth from your chest it was pounding so hard. Your grip on your son’s small frame tightened.

“Okay..” You choke out and Simon gives a dark chuckle as he ushers you and Deacon down a path that you hadn’t walked in years. Though it had been years since you were summoned to Negan’s private rooms, you still had the route etched forever in your mind.

With each silent step you thought of a new horror that Negan was going to subject you too upon realizing that you had hidden his only child, his first born son, under his nose for two full years. Deacon did look remarkably like his father, it was still a shock to you that no one had noticed it before. As you stood outside the large doors you leaned in and kissed your son on his cheek. “Just stay with mama, don’t let go of my hand…” You say calmly as you set Deacon down on the grey cement floor on his uneasy feet. His small hand clutching yours tightly and Simon pushed the door open.

Negan sat on the large black couch, Lucille leaning up against the arm of the sofa, his arm draped along the back. He wasn’t looking at your face as your walked in. His eyes were locked on the face of his son. “Thank you Simon… you may go…” Negan’s voice was calm, eerily calm, as he gave his orders. Once the doors closed Negan stood up and took a few steps forward.

Deacon looked up at Negan, his grip on your hand tightens as he tries to hide behind you as Negan finally stands just little more than a foot or two from where you stood. He leans forward and almost instantly you feel the way you felt back when you wore that black dress. “(y/n)… it’s been what… a little over two years since you made the choice to work like a fucking peasant…” Your eyes instantly focus on Deacon’s hand in yours as Negan continues, not waiting for you to answer. “Your boy… he is what… two…just about.” You nod nervously as Negan leans in, his hand grips your face forcing you to meet his gaze. “Now fucking tell me this…” He said in a very dark tone. “Is he mine… or where you a cheating whore…” His grip on your face tightened as he waited for your answer.

Deacon let go of your hand and went over to Negan, balling his tiny hands into fists and started pounding them on Negan’s leg. “NO!” the little boy yelled with all his might obviously upset at your treatment, before you even had a chance to answer. Negan’s hand slipped away from your face as you lunged down and scooped your son into your arms before stumbling back. Falling to the floor with a loud thud.

“Don’t hurt him… he didn’t ask to be born…” You say as you wrap your body around your son instinctively to protect your child. “He is yours… okay. Just don’t hurt him…” You sob, gazing up at Negan who had his hands balled into fists at his side. His face twisted into a snarl as he processed the information that you had just confirmed for him. He took a step forward in anger but stopped when Deacon let out small yelp of fear as the little boy hid in your arms.

Negan looked down at you for a moment still visibly upset and for the first time you noticed a few tears welling up in the corner of his eyes as he contemplated his next move. He kept looking down at Deacon, who was now clutching your arm and peering up at Negan with so much fear in his eyes it broke your heart. “I’m not gonna fucking hurt my boy…” Negan said softly, his voice shaking a little as he leaned down and offered you his hand to help you up. “I promise…” You take his hand nervously, Deacon scooted off and pushed himself as Negan helped you back to your feet. It was the first real kindness he had shown you.

Negan stared at you, his dark eyes ripping a path straight to your soul as he quietly said, “He is my son… you hid him from me…” His voice shook with some level of pain as he glanced down at Deacon who was clutching hand. “I don’t even know his name…” He seemed genuinely pained by this.

“Deacon..” You mumbled softly before leaning down and kissing your son’s mess of shaggy dark hair. “Bubba…” You said softly cupping his cheek. “This is your Daddy…” Deacon glanced up at Negan wide eyed and slightly confused.

Negan leaned down to look his son in the eye. He reached out to take his hand but Deacon pulled away. “Hey now little man…” Negan started. “I know I was mean to Mama…” Glancing up at your for a moment before turning back to your son. “I’m sorry that I scared you… but I won’t ever do that again…” Deacon looked up at you, unsure of what to do. You gave him a little nod reassuring him that it was ok.

Slowly Deacon’s hand slipped away from yours as he took an uneasy step forward towards his father. Negan stretched out his arms and picked the toddler up. He beamed at Deacon as he held his son in his arms for the first time. “You are a handsome little devil…” Negan playfully tickled Deacon’s belly which caused the little boy to let out a sweet chorus of laughter that calmed your nerves for the moment. Negan gazed at his son before looking over in your direction.

He let out a small chuckle, “We tried for years to have kids…” He confided to you in a moment of honesty. “The doctors told my wife it just wasn’t gonna be in the cards for us.” He leaned in and kissed the side of Deacon’s head as Deacon wrapped his arm around Negan’s neck. A tender smile crossed his lips as he continued. “I always wanted this…”

You were genuinely taken aback by his candor and tone as he held your son in his arms relishing in the moment and the little boys surprising show of affection. “I’m sorry Negan… You seemed like you hated me.” You confess softly returning his honesty with some of your own. “I was scared you wouldn’t want my child…” Your voice shakes as your confess your fears and watched as Negan’s face grew solemn with guilt.

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped, reaching out he placed his hand on your shoulder and pulled you into hug. You hand slipped around Deacon’s back as you rested your head against Negan’s chest. “I’m fucking sorry… I had no clue you felt like that. I never hated you. I barely fucking knew you (y/n).” He gave a small shrug as you pulled back still fairly uncomfortable with his touch.

“You didn’t try to know me either…” You muttered softly take as step back, you hand lingering for a moment on Deacon’s back. Biting your bottom lip as you felt a sense of guilt for your part in this sorted tale. “Never the less..” You start taking a long deep breath. “I shouldn’t have kept the baby from you.”

Negan gave you a quite nod before turning his attention back to the child you shared. “Well, I guess I have some time to make up for don’t I?” He asked Deacon with a little smirk.

The toddler shrugged as Negan bounced him in his arms. Deacon looked fairly confused by the whole situation as you would expect given the events that transpired but there was part of you, finally seeing Negan holding your son. That joyful look in his eyes as he spoke to your little boy in the most tender and caring tone. He was like this different man with Deacon as they sat down together on the couch. Negan motioned for you to join them but you shook your head, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Spend some time with him…” You say with kind smile as you turn towards the door. “I have to get back to work any how,”

Negan stood up from the couch, “(y/n), no you fucking do not…” He said emphatically causing you to turn around and just laugh at him.

“I am not going to marry you again Negan… once in that stable is more than enough for me.” You snap back quickly forgetting that Deacon was in ear shot. Negan took a few more steps closer to you, nearly closing the gap between your bodies.

“I never asked you to…” He placed a hand on your shoulder and you glanced down at it, unsure still of his intentions. “Let me take care of you and Deacon… I don’t want the mother of my child slaving away for points, my son dressed in fucking rags… I know it’s not your fault… let me fucking make things better for him, for you.” As he finished her squeezed your shoulder and you gazed up at him. _Why couldn’t you have been like this back then? Why couldn’t you have showed me just a tiny sign that you would have been happy?_ You ask yourself as you slowly nod your head. Negan smiles softly and gestures back towards the couch and you reluctantly agree to join him.

As you settled down on the other side of Deacon you tried not to smile as Negan started to talk to the little boy about baseball, explaining the game to your eager son who sat perched up n her knees at his father’s side nodding his head as Negan spoke. It warmed your heart to see them sharing such a quite, normal moment. It was cut short by a loud knock on the door. “Fuck..” Negan cursed. “I told them to leave me alone…” He patted Deacon on the cheek as he stood up. “Come on, son…” He said with a little smirk as Deacon hopped down and toddled after his father who picked up Lucille as he stood before the door.

“Come on, this shit better be important…” Negan groaned before glancing down at Deacon who was gazing, wide eyed up at his father. As the doors slowly swung open you stood up and watched as a frantic Gavin and a very angry looking Simon walked through the door.  Negan reached down with his free hand held Deacon’s hand as the two men tried to calm themselves.

“We haven’t heard from the Satellite station all morning, not since lights out last night in fact…” Gavin started. Negan glanced down at Deacon who was starting to look frightens as Gavin started to go into more detail about some recent events.

“Do you not see my fucking kid standing right here you dumb shit…” Negan chided Gavin before glancing over at you. “Mama…” He said beckoning you over to him. Leaning down you scooped up Deacon before Negan leaned in. “Go down and get him some better clothes… get yourself some too…” You looked puzzled up at him not quite knowing where he was going. Before you had a chance to speak, Negan just put his hand up and continued, “(y/n) just do it… I have to deal with this now but I will get Simon to come get you once we get this shit sorted.”

“Alright Negan…” You say softly and he gives you a little smile and nod of thanks. “What if they give me shit about points?” You asked softly.

“Tell them take that up with me and give you what you want…” Negan said firmly and you gave a quick nod before walking towards the door.

As you walked past Simon with Deacon in your arms he leaned in and softly said. “Your welcome…” with a small, dark chuckle as you walked past.

Things were about to change, for the better perhaps but something deep within your soul screamed a lot of things for you and your son were about to get a lot worse.


	2. Part 2

The Market was the heart of the Sanctuary. Most people went through at least once a day. Among the workers it was the one little part of life that was enjoyable, just like the old world. Those with talents for crafting or math were often given charge of stalls to sell their wares or those items scavenged by others. Unlike many of the other workers you never found yourself getting lost in the old world commercialism, you were always too worried about never having enough points to get what you and Deacon needed to enjoy the frivolity of it all like some people did. This time however, despite your reservations about entering in this strange new agreement with Negan, you looked forward to being able to give Deacon whatever his heart wanted.

As you walked in the large, open room filled with tables and stalls you noticed that the lines were shorter than normal. _Maybe it has something to do with what Gavin and Simon came to talk to Negan about.._ You mused as you set Deacon down, urging him to stay close as you took his hand and walked towards the area where all the clothes available were hanging. Everyone was given the basics, a decent change of clean clothes when you arrived but beyond that it was all points, unless you fought for Negan or married him. _Well, except us now…_ You mused nervously as you searched through the rack of women’s clothes till you came across a deep royal blue and forest green boho style patch work dress. It was so far from the black form fitting number that Negan used to make you wear and far more inline with your personal style before the world went to hell. With a small grin, to no one but yourself, you pulled the dress off the rack. Resting the dress across your free arm you started to make your way towards the shelves that housed the toddler sized clothes.

There were two shelves, side by side. One of used clothes, taken from homes the area, which you almost always picked from as they cost less points and to you it mattered far more than Deacon had warm clothes than good looking clothes. The other shelf, which was nearly twice as full, held all the pristine new clothes taken from mall nearly 10 miles from the Sanctuary. These were clothes that only the soldiers’ children were about to wear. Now as you reached up and pulled a pair of jeans down you could feel the other worker’s eyes burn into your soul. _They all will know._ That doubtful voice in your head, that sounded dangerously like your mother at times, called out silently. _It’s not like you don’t know they whisper about him…about you…_ It called out again from the darkest corners of your mind.

Your eyes dart around the room, searching for a sign of your suspicions but find everyone busy with their own business. A small sigh of relief escapes your lips as your smile down at your son. Setting your dress and the pair of jeans down on the shelf for a moment you walk over to a stack of handmade baskets and pick one up, Deacon in tow the whole time. Walking back over to the shelf, you drop the basket to the floor before you pulled down the dress and jeans dropping into the basket. “Bubba,” You say softly to your son as you let go of his hand. “stay right here…I don’t want to see one toe move mister…” You say in a soft yet stern voice. The little boy gave you a quick nod before you turned back to the shelf and began to search through the clothes. Pulling anything in Deacon’s size that you thought was cute and toss it in the basket with the other clothes.

As the basket neared capacity you reached down and slipped it over your arm. As your turned around to take Deacon’s hand you spied Simon walking through the back entrance of the market place. “Great..” You groaned softly as you started to walk past the women’s clothes again. Spying a decent looking pair of jeans and a summery sky blue peasant top hanging next to each other you pulled them off the hangers without looking at the sizes and placed them on top of the basket. “Bubba…” You called to Deacon again glancing down at him, his hand gripping yours tightly, before finishing your journey to the ‘Check out’ area.

As you stood in the short line your eyes were fixed on Simon as he stopped to talk to several of the men standing guard. Even though he was speaking with the men, his dark eyes searched the room, no doubt looking for you. As the person in front of you moved aside you were still transfixed on tracking Simon’s movements and didn’t notice till the woman keeping track of the points called out. “(y/n), sweetheart are you ok?”. You shake your head as your are jarred from your thoughts.

“Shit..” you cursed taking a quick step forward, bringing Deacon with you. “I’m so sorry Mary…” You apologize as you set your basket up on the table. Mary was a kindly but very tired woman of about 65. In the old world she ran a small dress shop the next town over from where you grew up, she fitted and sold your prom dress. This world had been hard on her, she lost all of her family. One by one. Some from the virus in the start of all this, some to the dead and well the her son died in an early attack against the Saviors by another community. It wasn’t long before Deacon was born when it happened and in her own way Mary had taken you and your son under her wing. Helping you with what she could and always keeping Deacon with her in the market while you worked. She was Deacon’s ‘Memaw’ and she adored her ‘Bubba’ a nick name that she bestowed up on your son as an infant because he was a chubby baby. Now even you called him that (or some variation of it) quite often.

“Don’t worry about it, you look like you have had a good day though… all these clothes.” She noted with a little chuckle as she pulled each item of clothing out of the basket and marking it’s value on a scrap piece of paper. Having become so close to Mary and knowing her a bit from before, you had confided in her the truth about Deacon’s father being Negan not long after he was born. She kept your secret for all that time, helped you raise Deacon like her own grandchild even knowing who his father was. As she pulled out the new clothes, the ones too expensive for workers Mary let out a little gasp before quickly bringing her hand to her mouth trying to mask her shocked expression. “No..” She mumbled in a low voice.

“Go see Memaw…” You tell Deacon and the little boy smiled brightly before his hand slipped from yours and he raced around the table. Deacon crawled into her waiting lap as Mary gave your raven haired little boy a kiss on his chubby cheek.

Mary glared up at you with a look only a mother could give, “Don’t think you are going to distract me with him… you didn’t go back to him, did you?” She finished her sentence in a low voice as you glanced to see where Simon was. Thankfully he was stopped by some workers who needed him for some reason.

Guessing you had at least another few minutes you leaned down on the table. “Negan figured it out, well he had some fucking help.. but he knows. He said he is going to take care of me and Deacon…” You answer her softly a you reach across the table and push some of Deacon’s hair out of his eyes. “I don’t really know what to make of any of this or know what the hell will happen now.” Mary gave a little nod and you could tell she too was troubled by this situation.

Putting her hands over Deacon’s ears, she leaned forward and gave her take on the situation. “Well he fucking better, he made you feel worthless and did nothing but grunt on top of you till he put this little angel in your belly. Made you so afraid of him that you ran, tail between your legs pregnant, scared and alone… oh I would love to give him a piece of my mind..:” You held back the urge to roll your eyes but you did shake your head at her comments. She pulled her hands away from Deacon’s ears and kissed the top of his head.

Mary was about to continue going on about one thing or another but you put your hand up, spotting finally making a path straight towards you. “Just mark the points Mary…” Your heart races, Simon always made you nervous. You beckoned Deacon back to you silently as Simon reached ear shot.

He had a fake smile plastered across his face but his tense body langue told you he was upset about whatever had transpired with Negan. He swaggered over to the table, his thumbs hooked into his belt loops on his jeans as he stopped next to the table, his eyes glance first at the pile of clothes that Mary was finishing tallying up and placing back into the basket and then to you. His lips twisted into a genuine smirk when he saw you grip Deacon’s shoulder’s tighter. “Well, I see you follow instructions well still..” Simon noted with a dark chuckle. “When you are ready… he is..”

You gave a small nod and leaned forward picking up the basket up from Mary’s table. The white haired woman placed her hand over yours as you gripped the basket. “Don’t forget about that Fire Truck that Deacon always likes to play with…” Mary said loud enough for Simon to take notice and glance over at the stall next to Mary’s where an middle aged man named Ian crafted wooden toys for the children of the Sanctuary. Simon turned around and picked the medium sized red wooden toy off the table and took a few steps over to Deacon.

Leaning down, in a rare moment of humanity, Simon smiled and handed it Deacon who gazed wide eyed up at him as his small arms wrapped around the toy as large smile spread across his face. “Here you go buddy…” Simon chuckled softly as he took a step back and glanced up at you. “Even with the end of the world… every little boy loves a good fire truck.” He seemed somewhat relaxed by seeing Deacon’s joy, letting out a heavy sigh he almost started speak once more but stopped himself. Ending up only clearing his throat.

Leaning down you whispered in Deacon’s ear. “Say thank you to Simon…”

Simon’s eyes fixed on Deacon as the little boy took a few steps over to him and looked up at him with his wide hazel eyes. “sank ju…” Deacon said joyfully as he held up his fire truck. You couldn’t help but smile brightly as Simon reached down and tussled the toddler’s dark hair.

“You are very welcome young man…” Simon glanced up at you, when he saw the large smile spread across your face and your eyes lighting up seeing your little boy’s joy, his eyes became transfixed on you. Simon had his moments where he seemed like a decent sort of guy, not unlike the men you grew up around. Rough around the edges but with a soft gooey center. Other times though, he scared you half to death. He was Negan’s right hand man from way back, even in your early days as a wife. Back then he was the only person to have been kind to you when you married Negan, scared and alone in this world. There were moments where you wondered if being his wife would be better or worse than being Negan’s.

As you lifted the basked off the table and walked towards Simon you turned back for a moment and smiled at Mary. “I will come talk to you tonight, after Bubba is asleep Mama Mary..” She gave you a little nod and blew Deacon a kiss.

“I love you my sweet boy!” She called to Deacon as she waved to him.

Deacon smiled back and in his sweet little voice exclaimed “Lub ju Memaw…” with a bright smile running across his lips as he attempted to still hold onto his fire truck, which seemed massive in his little arms, and wave goodbye at the same time.

You spied a soft smile playing on Simon’s face as he watched the exchange between Mary and Deacon, as you walked up next to him. Much to your surprise he stretched out his arm, “Let me,” He said almost gentlemen like, as he took the full basket of clothes from your arms not waiting for you to answer.

“Thank you,” You utter softly as you reach down and place a gentle hand on your son’s shoulder urging him forward as Simon started to lead the way back out of the marketplace.

Simon walked in silence for a time, occasionally looking over at you like he was going to start a conversation but always stopping himself short. As much as you had seen Simon around over the years you knew little about his life before all this. Some of the people talked about nothing but the old world, some people never said a syllable about their old life. “Did you know Mary was a seamstress, before all this?” You finally asked Simon, wanting to break the uncomfortable silence on the long walk back to Negan’s room.

Simon gave a little, half hearted nod like he almost didn’t want to admit to the knowledge. “Yeah…” He said simply before glancing over at you. “What did you do?” He asked.

You smile nervously slightly embarrassed of the job you had before all this. “I worked at the Kitty Kat Klub…” You mumbled, you cheeks flushing. The Kitty Kat Klub was the local strip club a few towns over. It was about as classy as a rural strip club that catered to farmers and truckers could get, but anyone who lived anywhere within 50 miles knew of it. Simon raised a suspicious eyebrow at you answer and it only caused your cheeks to grow more crimson. “I was one of the bar tenders… don’t get your fucking hopes up… I can’t dance to save my life.”

Simon let out a hearty chuckle as he shook his head. “Well, I would have never expected that… not in a million years.” Your cheeks were still flushed red and you grateful on some level that Deacon had little idea of what you two were talking about.

“Well, I worked in assisted living group home during the day, but it was shit money and only part time. I had bills…” You admitted though you knew that you had no reason what so ever to justify the actions of your past life to Simon, you still couldn’t abide people having the wrong impression of you. “What about you?” Tilting you head slightly to the side as you spoke.

Simon chuckled and shook his head. “Just a normal guy… work… life…” His vagueness didn’t deterred you. Take a step sideways, positioning yourself next Simon, so you didn’t have to speak so loudly, you smile at him.

“Well, did you have a family?” Simon glanced at you as he spoke, there was a great deal of pain behind his eyes as he gave a quick nod before glancing down at Deacon who was totting along, spinning one of the wheels happily. _I bet he had a little boy, it would explain so much…I am so fucking blind… shit.._ You silently scold yourself. “I’m sorry.” You say barely audible.

Simon shook his head slowly as he began. “Everyone has lost people these days, (y/n), if you let yourself die with them… living constantly in memories of the dead you will die too.” His words cut into your soul, and for a brief moment you gazed up at Simon with reverence in your eyes. He had so much more to him than his creepy advances and his quick temper. There was a certain intelligence to the way he spoke, that was something you had always noticed. He was educated but chose not show it more often than not. The more you interacted with him the more of mystery he became to you.

“That’s true…” You say nodding your head as you round the last corner before Negan’s rooms. Stopping for a moment you reached out and placed a tender touch on Simon’s arm. “But if the past didn’t matter… why tell Negan?” You asked bluntly as you reached out and touched his muscular arm again.

Simon looked away for a brief moment, his eyes fixated on the door to Negan’s room before glancing back down at you. “Because I know what it’s like to have your child hidden from you…right under your nose…and not know before it was too late.” As he spoke your face dropped and there was part of you that felt horrible for Simon and wondered what happened but knew it was not your place to press the issue. “I saw you struggling to take care of the boy..” Simon said in a low tone leaning in and handing you back the basket as he spoke. “I am sure you have you reasons and they are probably damn good reasons too.” His eyes lock on yours as he speaks, his gaze causing you heart to quicken. “but the kid deserves a chance to know his father…and you both deserve a better life..” His words sent a strange chill down your spine. _Who does he think can give us this better life truly… I doubt he thinks it’s Negan…_ You muse as Simon’s hand brushes your lower back as he ushered you toward the door not giving you a moment’s chance to respond to his comment.

As Simon pushed open the heavy door your eyes went right to Negan, who stood by the window carefully overseeing some of the workers preparing to leave the compound. Simon cleared his throat and Negan quickly turned around. His eyes went straight towards Deacon clutching his new toy. A smiled crept across his face as he made his way towards you and Deacon. Simon leaned in and whispered. “You deserve the fucking world don’t settle for less.” His words only confirmed your previous gut feeling about Simon’s intentions. You smiled softly at him.

“Thank you Simon…” You said softly, as you reached over, your finger tips brushing his bare forearm.

Simon smirked at your touch, “Any time sweetheart,” he said with a small chuckle before glancing over at Negan who was standing watching the small exchange between you and Simon with a slightly sour look on his face. “Anything else boss?” He asked in a light hearted tone which Negan found none to amusing.

Negan shook his head and reached down to rest his hand on Deacon’s shoulder. “No…” Negan said in a dark tone. If you didn’t know better you would have almost guessed Negan was jealous of the small bit of affection you had shown Simon. _No, there is no way Negan would be jealous of Simon. I am not Negan’s wife any more._ Your eyes darted between the two men. Tension was thick in the air as Simon stood almost staring Negan down.

As he went to leave Simon turned back to you, “I’ll be around if you need help later.” He made sure his words were loud enough for Negan to hear.

“I am sure we can manage Simon,” Negan responded back quickly. You took a step away from Simon, feeling the tension rise.

Taking a deep breath you move towards Deacon who was standing in front of Negan. “It’s a nice offer but Negan is right, we can mange.” You say in a calm tone trying to do your best to calm the situation. Simon gave you a worried looked but you just gave him a quick nod, and with that he turned and left. Letting the heavy door slam shut with a loud bang.

Negan rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh as he looked at you, his gaze instantly making you nervous. “Is there something going on between you two I should be fucking aware of?” Negan asked quickly and sharply. You quickly shook your head. “It doesn’t look that way from where I am fucking standing…” He said in a low voice.

“Nothing is going on… not that it is any of your business if there was.” You respond sharply setting the basket that was growing heavy in your arms on a nearby chair. As you turn around and place your hands on your hips. “What is it you used to tell us wives… What goes on when you’re not here ain’t your business…” Using his own words against him caused Negan to huff softly as he shook his head.

“Well fucking played.” He conceded as he sat down on the large black couch. “But… since you are the mother of my only child… who you spend your time with. Who my son is around… Is my fucking business now.” Negan leaned back on the couch, his long arms stretched across the back of the couch. “Come here buddy,” Negan called to the toddler who turned around, still a little unsure of Negan. He took a little step forward and held out his fire truck showing it to his father.

“Uck!” Deacon exclaimed as he placed the fire truck in Negan’s lap and patted his father’s knee excitedly. “uck! Uck!” he repeated, each time his little hand made contact with his father’s knee. Negan smirked and leaned forward slightly picking the wooden toy up.

“Truck…” Negan said slowly. “TR…uck” Deacon looked confused and made the same face that you had seen spread across Negan’s face a thousand times, that deep solemn frown. _The how dare you tell me I am wrong face._ Negan noticed it too and tried to stifle a chuckle. “That face…” He started as he looked up at you with a little smile playing on his lips almost like that tense moment hadn’t happened. “shit, he is my kid… that is more fucking proof that a DNA test…” You nodded slowly as you watched Deacon crawl up on to the couch next to Negan, his little legs kicking frantically as he tried to pull himself up.

Deacon slid back off the couch unable to get up on his own, frustrated he looked up at Negan and demanded “Halp” as he threw his arms up. Negan leaned forward and picked Deacon up helping him get up on the couch next to him. Once up on the couch Deacon reached over and picked up his truck showing it to Negan again. “Uck…” He said with a little smirk and Negan just shook his head as Deacon started to play with the truck quietly.

Standing across the coffee table, leaning back against the chair with your basket of clothes resting on the seat you smiled. “The fire truck made his day…” Negan looked up and smiled softly at your comment.

“Good..” He said simply as he leaned back watching Deacon play next to him out of the corner of his eye for a few seconds before eyeing the basket of clothes in the chair. “See you found clothes…” He was trying to be pleasant, but you could tell that Negan was still somewhat annoyed with the whole exchange with Simon.

“Thank you,” You respond quickly remembering that he always liked to be thanked for his ‘kindness’. His gaze was fixed on you as you stood wringing you hands nervously, unsure of what your place in this moment was.

Negan’s tongue darted across his lips, something that you didn’t think would still send a delightful tingle down your spine but, it did. He motioned for you to sit and without him needing to utter a sound you picked the basket up, set it on the floor and sat down in the chair. All in one quick movement, your eyes wide and darting between Negan and your son. Letting a out barely audible huff Negan settled back in on the corner of the couch. “You look little red riding hood trapped in a room with the big bad wolf..”  He said with a tone of dark humor in his voice.

You scoff softly and suppress the intense urge to roll your eyes. “Isn’t that your thing though… Negan is the big bad… so give me half your shit and fall the fuck in line.” Negan almost looked surprised at your defiant tone, but you had heard the workers talk. You had few friends left beyond Mary, but you listened to all the conversations people had. The workers feared Negan, with more than enough reason.  “If that is not the persona that you want to put out there you need reevaluate how you handle shit…” You swallow hard knowing that what you had just said more than likely hit a nerve with the father of your child but after all this time you needed to get it off your chest.

Negan gave a shrug and a little laugh. “Well it’s not a bad reputation to have…” He mused tilting his head to the side and raising an eyebrow as you shook your head disagreeing with him.

“It is the worst kind to have. Yeah people fear you but that rarely works out well long term if my memory of history class serves me well.” Bringing your hand to your face you pinch the bridge of your nose and take a deep breath. “You said you wanted to know if anything was going on between me and Simon…which there isn’t…” you start slowly,  “because you wanted know who you son was around.” Letting out a heavy sigh as your pull your hand away and stare Negan straight in the eyes. “Maybe look in the mirror and look at the type of man that wants to try and come in and start dictating how I raise my son…” Deacon looked up from his play and straight at you as he heard the tone in your voice grow with anger. It was something he rarely heard from you.

Negan went to speak but this time you put your hand up. “No, fuck no…” You said frustrated. “I am trying to raise a good kid. With some kindness in his heart in this fucked up work… and Simon was kind to me, kind to you son today… so I was kind to him and what you got jealous or some shit…” You put your hands up as you shake your head completely frustrated with Negan in that moment. “Which if you are jealous then that’s your problem because if you taking care of your son comes with trappings of being your wife again then just forget about us… really because I can’t live like that.” You sunk back into the chair and covered your face with your hands not wanting to see Negan’s reaction.

You guessed he was going to be angry but when there was a long silence and you heard Negan stand up from the couch. His boots hitting the concrete floor as he walked over and pulled your hands off your face forcing you to look up at him. “You’re right.” He said simply. “You’re not my wife any more…” His hand slipped away from you face as he took a step back and watched as Deacon went back to playing though he would occasionally stop and glance at you. “I fucked that up and I don’t remember how to be quite honest.” He turned back to you and held out his hand. “I am not asking you to give me a second chance with you, but let me have a chance with my son…” You couldn’t argue with his point, Deacon needed a father and he was lucky enough to still have his around.

Taking his hand you give him a little nod, “I will do my best.” You say with a small smile and Negan gave you a little nod as his large, rough hand slipped from yours.

“Well that’s a fucking start.” Negan said with a little laugh before joining Deacon on the couch. You watched from afar as Negan joined his son in playing with the fire truck. Negan made promises of more toys for him to play with in the morning and that made Deacon the happiest that you had ever seen him. Nothing but laughter and joy came from your son’s lips that evening while he played with his father.

Negan had dinner brought in for the three of your, it was quite and pleasant as far as meals go. Deacon sat between you and Negan doing his best to get the spaghetti into his mouth with is fork but before you had a chance to help him Negan had already leaned in and switched his fork out for a spoon. _He really is a good dad, why couldn’t he be a shit dad. One that really didn’t take the fucking time…_ It was such a storm of conflicting emotions in your mind all through the night.

After dinner Negan suggested watching a movie with Deacon and when you told him Deacon had never seen a movie or even tv Negan proclaimed “Well it’s about time, and it’s a first I can be there for..” He pulled out a dvd copy of the old Disney animations version of Robin Hood and placed it in the dvd player as he turned on the tv. Deacon was playing with his beloved fire truck on the floor near the couch and one the menu popped up Negan turned around and scooped the little boy up. “Come on buddy, we are gonna watch a movie…” He said with a cheerful tone in his voice as he set Deacon down on the couch and joined him. “Come on (y/n)… let’s play happy fucking family…”

“Alright..” You say softly as you pile the dinner plates together and brush your hands off on your jeans. Slowly you walked over to the couch and sat down next to Deacon. Negan’s arm rested along the back of the couch, his finger tips brushing against the back of your neck as you settled in as the movie started.

Neither one of you said much during the movie, you both were transfixed on Deacon’s wide eyed and enthusiastic expressions as he watched the first parts of the movie. Nearly 30 minutes into the film though you watched as your little boy hunkered in next to his father. Deacon let out a little yawn as he rested his head against Negan’s white cotton t-shirt clad chest as he started to fall to sleep. Negan wrapped his arm around him and kissed the top of his head. It was such a sweet moment that you couldn’t help but smile watching it unfold.

Once Deacon was fast asleep you looked over at Negan, who for the first time was holding his sleeping son in his arms, and he looked so at peace. “I’m glad he seems to have taken to you so well…” You say softly as you lean back against the opposite arm of the couch from Negan.

He smiled softly and let out a hushed chuckle. “I was worried to be quite fucking honest,” You didn’t want to admit it but you had your own fears. “This was more than hoped for…” He said nodding towards the sleeping boy in his arms.

The smile on your lips grows. “Deacon is a cuddle bug.” Negan smirked as you scooted closer so you wouldn’t have to speak so loudly. “When he was a baby, I couldn’t put him down… at all.” You leaned down and placed a kiss on your sleeping son’s cheek before sitting back up. “Everywhere I went I carried him in this sling Mama Mary made me out of some curtains or something… but he was a fussy baby, worried me a lot.”

“Mama Mary?” Negan asked softly raising an eyebrow.

“Mary, the little old lady that keeps track of the clothing… she used to have a dress shop about 15 minutes from here..” You explain and as you mention the dress shop there was something that rattled free and Negan seemed to recall who you were referring to.

“Her shop had some nursery rhyme type fucking name right?” He asked obviously recalling a long forgotten memory. You nod a little.

“Mary’s Garden..” You said softly and Negan gave a firm nod in return.

“My wife got her bridesmaids dresses there… they were fucking hideous, well so were the bridesmaids.” He said with a dark laugh and you couldn’t help but chuckle. It was rare that Negan spoke of his wife, _Lucille_ , you only know only knew her name because he would moan it when he was fucking you and then apologize always saying _you look like her.._ his voice rang out in your mind.

Shaking you head a little from your own memories you reached out and touched Deacon’s back. “I really should get him into bed,” You went to pick him but Negan shook his head.

“Please…” He asked almost begging and you gave him a silent nod of approval. He smiled back to you softly. “I hope you don’t mind… but I did have some of the guys set up a better room for you and Deacon…”

You let out a half chuckle half sigh as you stood up pick up Deacon’s fire truck and walking over the basket full of clothes still sitting undisturbed on the floor next to the chair. “And you had them bring our things up…” You finished looked back as Negan stood up, Deacon’s head resting on his shoulder as his father carried him.

“You know me so well darlin’… are you sure you don’t want to give this marriage thing another go?” He said in a joking tone but still you rolled your eyes and shook your head as you went to open the door. “Give me time… I’ll work some magic on ya yet..” He teases walking through the door first leading the way.

“Get in line..” You quip back as you close the door slowly making sure not to let it slam and wake your sleeping son. Negan chuckled at your comment causing Deacon to stir and you instinctively shh him.

“Did you just fucking shh me?” Negan asked softly with another chuckle which made Deacon stir again.

Your eyes grew wide as you stood with Deacon’s fire truck tucked under one arm and the basket, growing heavy, in the other. “Can save the arguments for after you showed us where we live now please…before he wakes up.” You nod with you head towards Deacon.

Negan nods and starts walking down the hall to a room only a few doors down from his. “I know it’s close, but it was one of the few open rooms with enough space…” Negan explain as you went to open the door. Negan flipped the light switch and let out a small sigh of relief when he saw it was good order.

It was a decent sized room, with another room attached off to the side. “You have your own space…” Negan said as he set Deacon down in the crib located just outside the door that led into your bed room. Everything was set up like a little home. It was better than you could have ever hoped for. There was a small kitchen, a fridge, even a few toys already in a toy box near the crib where your son now slept. “I left the finer points of decoration up to you but the basics are here… there should be food in the fridge.” Negan explained as you stood with the basket in your arms in awe of it all.

“Thank you, this is really lovely Negan..”  you said softly setting the basket on a small end table. It wasn’t anything fancy by old world standards but it was a vast improvement than where you lived before.

Negan looked at you and smiled softly as he walked back over to the crib where Deacon slept and ran his hand along his son’s cheek. “It’s nothing.” He said softly as he turned around and walked back towards you. He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder as he began to speak once more. “Just worry about taking care of him, he is all that matters now.” Negan’s words tugged at your heartstrings and made your cheeks flush slightly.

Taking a deep breath he leaned in and gave you a nervous peck on the cheek. “Goodnight, (y/n).”

The feeling of his lips against the soft skin of your cheek was something you have never felt before. Even during his late night visit he rarely kissed your lips and nothing so tender as a peck to the cheek. You could feel your cheeks flush slightly as he moved towards the door. “Goodnight, Negan… see you in the morning.” You wave a little nervously as he walks out the door closing it as quietly as he possibly could on his way out.

Letting out a heavy sigh you mumbled, “What a fucking day..” As you picked up the basket of clothes off the end table and walked into your bedroom. It had a rare Queen sized bed, dressers and even a small vanity. Which made you chuckle. “This was better than my room as his wife… thanks bubba..” you giggled setting the basket on the dresser.

Pulling one of the drawers open you find a light blue summer night dress neatly folded laying alone in the drawer like someone had placed it there for you to find. Picking it up you felt the soft silk against you skin. Pulling off you dirty tank top and pushing your jeans down as you kicked of you boots you pulled the silk night dress over your now naked frame. It had been since you were Negan’s wife that you felt silk against your skin and you hated to admit the fact that you missed it.

There was a soft knock on the door to the main room. Looking around you had hoped whomever left you the night gown also thought to leave you a robe. Pulling back the door to the bedroom as the second soft knock echoed through the rooms, you found a deep navy bath robe and slipped it on. As you walked to open the door you quickly tied it shut. “Who the fuck could it be now…” You mummer as you turn the door knob and pull open the door.

Standing before you, leaning against the door frame holding a bottle of rum in one hand and two glasses in the other was Simon, with small smirk playing on his lips. “Fancy a drink?” He said wiggling the bottle of rum in his hand and after the day you had, you could really use a stiff drink. You usher him in and he smiled like the cat the got the canary as he walked trough the door. “Now I am gin man personally… but I will make an exception for a good rum and a little birdie…”

“Mary…” You quickly pointed out knowing that no one else would know that kind of information about you.

“Yes Mary…” He said with quite chuckle. “Told me rum is your favorite…and you while beautiful, look like a woman who needs a drink… and maybe a good fuck?” He said with a laugh to mask the more than likely serious offer of sex. It made you laugh and you grabbed his arm and started to pull him towards the bedroom making him get a little excited. “Well fuck… I was joking sweetheart but if you really want to, I will make that sacrifice…” His dark eyes roamed up and down your bathrobe covered frame and you just shook your head as you pulled him into the bedroom and pushed the door almost shut.

“Deacon is asleep…” You said sharply as Simon set the two glasses on the dresser and poured you both a drink.

“Sorry… got my fucking hopes up a little bit there…” He said in a kind tone as he handed you your drink. “To getting a life you deserve…” He said as he lifted his glass. You raised yours to meet his and touched the two glasses together before you downed the entire glass in one swig causing Simon to chuckle. “Oh where have you been all my life.”

“Five miles down the road from here…” You said with a little laugh. Simon made you laugh, more than Negan ever did. His eyes lit up as you chuckled at his jokes that night. There was nothing but a few drinks and Simon trying to lighten the mood for you both. After 3 drinks you both sat on the end of your bed.

Empty glass in hand and you turned to Simon let you a long sigh. The alcohol had made you bold enough to ask him something you had wanted to know all day and you had hoped that Simon being more than a few drinks in would answer you. “Simon…” You started slowly.

“Yes my darling girl..” He said with a flirtatious smirk.

“What happened today… when you came in with Gavin?” You asked softly almost a little nervous to learn the answer.

Simon groaned and fell back on to your bed. He brought his hands to his face as he spoke. “They slaughtered them all… all gone darling… killed…wiped the fuck out…” You turned around and laid down on the bed on your stomach and looked at him with a worried look painted across your face.

“What you mean Simon?” You ask nervously as you pick up on of his hands from his face so he could look at you when he finally answered.

“Some group attacked us… killed our people…” The words scared you in a way out didn’t know you could be afraid as your processed what that meant. You had always figured it was a matter of time before something happened, Negan pissed off the wrong people and there would be causalities. Simon could see the panic growing on your face and reached out, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close to him. “Don’t you fucking worry darlin’…” He said softly looked down at you, his eyes slightly glazed from the alcohol. “I am never…ever gonna let these fuckers hurt you or that baby… I’ll kill them all, one by fucking one before they even get a chance to have an idea..” His tone was low and dark but in that moment, in the low light, late at night. The idea that Simon would kill to keep you and Deacon safe seemed the most romantic thing anyone could have said to you in that moment. You wrapped your arms around Simon and just smiled softly against his chest.

You didn’t say anything more, you didn’t do anything more, but that night you and Simon feel asleep in each other’s arms. It was the first time in as long as you can remember when you didn’t go to bed afraid of what would happen in the night.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and love for this story. Keep it coming they really help motivate me to write more xoxox

It wasn’t the sun shining through the windows, or the sound of birds singing the songs of spring that woke you that morning. It was the sound of Deacon screaming “MAMA!” at the top of his lungs from the crib outside your bedroom. As you squirmed to wipe the sleep from your eyes, a pair of strong arms pulled you back against muscular body. It took you a moment to remember that you and Simon had fallen asleep together last night. A little smile crept across your face as you felt his hands against your bare skin.

You peeled his arms off as you as slipped from the bed trying your best not to wake him but the simple loss of the added warmth from your body caused Simon to stir. You smile softly at him as he rubs his eyes and props himself up on your pillow. “Morning sweetheart…” He said with a little smile as you slipped your robe on.

“The monster is up…” You said with a little chuckle as you tied the robe shut and headed to check on Deacon who was still calling your name out. Simon stood up from the bed running his hands through his wild hair as he slipped his army green button up shirt over his white tank top.

As you walked out into the main room you found Deacon, standing up in his crib. Screaming at the top of his lungs. “Hey now…” you start softly as you walk over to the crib and pick your screeching toddler up. “I know… you need changed… you are hungry… I get it but can we turn the volume down…” You tell the toddler who started to calm down as you went about getting him ready for the day. Simon walked out of your bedroom and headed straight towards the kitchenette.

He started to open up cabinets till he found some instant coffee and kettle, pulling them down he turned back to you for a moment. “You want some coffee?” He asks with a little smirk and you nod a little as you pull a clean t-shirt over Deacon’s head. “This is part where I would ask if you want cream and sugar…” Simon started as he filled the kettle and lit the stove.

“There is milk in the fridge… apparently having a child that shares DNA with Negan has it’s perks…” You respond back playfully as you pull up Deacon’s shorts and give him a little pat on the bottom. “Go play… Mama is gonna make you something to eat!” You say with a little smile as you stand up and join Simon in the kitchen just as he is adding the hot water to the coffee powder in each of the two mugs he had pulled down.

You open the fridge and pull out the glass bottle of milk and a small basket of eggs. “For the record… French Vanilla creamer… the good shit… not that powdered nonsense.” You say with a soft smile as you hand the bottle of milk to Simon who smiles softly.

“Damn,” He said with a little laugh. “I could have gotten you the powdered shit…” He poured a little milk into each mug before handing it back to you to put in the fridge.

As you turned back around Simon handed you the cup of coffee with a little smile, “Thank you,” You said softly as you lifted the mug to your lips and took a sip of the piping hot coffee.

Simon leans in as places nervous peck on your cheek as he whispers “For you baby, any time..” Which caused your cheeks to flush a little as he walked away to go see what Deacon was doing. He sat down on the floor where Deacon was playing. Coffee cup in one hand, he picked up a block and joined Deacon building a tower. It was a sweet watching Simon banter with Deacon between sips of coffee. He seemed just as natural, _if not more_ , with Deacon as Negan was but Simon made you laugh.

_If you didn’t know better, you would think that’s his son the way he has with him._ Simon did a lot of bad things, the workers feared him as much, _if not more_ , than Negan. So in all sound logic, you knew entering into any sort of relationship with Simon was no better than if you ran tail between your legs back to Negan. _But he makes me laugh and doesn’t have 5 other wives._ You argued with yourself before glancing back at the basket of eggs. “Do you boys want scrambled eggs?” You called out from the kitchen as you set your now empty coffee cup in the sink.

Deacon peered over Simon and nodded his head calling out “Yes!”

Simon reached out and tickled Deacon’s belly to get his attention. “Come on, let’s go help Mama…” Deacon smiled brightly as Simon stood up and reached his arms up for Simon to pick him up but Simon shook his head. “You’re a big boy right?” Deacon nodded his head. “Then walk like a big boy buddy,” Deacon seemed to listen to Simon and just nodded his head and raced over towards you, his little arms wrapping around you leg once he reached you. You couldn’t help but chuckle as Simon set his now empty coffee cup on small wooden kitchen table and picked up a chair as he walked past and set it down next to you. “Up ya go little man.” Simon said as he leaned down and picked up Deacon and set him down on the chair.

You reached up and pulled down a bowl and cracked four eggs into the bowl before pulling out a wooden spoon and handing to Simon. “Your idea… you are in charge of making sure he doesn’t make a massive mess.” You said with a little laugh as you started to search for a pan. Out of the corner of your eye you watched as Simon wrapped his hand around Deacon’s and slowly started to show him how to beat the eggs. _He must have had a kid, he has so done this before._ You mused sadly as you stood up placing the pan you found in the cabinet under where the little camp stove stat on top of the counter.

“Ook Mama!” Deacon exclaimed as he pointed to the bowl. Simon took the spoon from his hands and tossed it in the sink.

“Good Job Deacon.” You praised him as you leaned in and kissed his cheek.

“Alright, bud…” Simon said with a little groan as he picked Deacon up and set him back down on the floor. “Off ya go… your work here is done.” He said with a small laugh as he waved his hand towards the toys as he leaned against the counter.

“Put the chair back,” You say quickly as you reach over and pick up the bowl and pour the beaten eggs into the pan before you light the burner, that gas igniting with a soft woosh.

Simon picked up the chair and leaned in as he walked past you to whisper, “I like it when you get bossy..” with a hearty chuckle that made your cheeks flush and a delightful tingle run down your spine.

“You’re horrible..” You say with a laugh as you turn to start stirring the eggs so they wouldn’t burn.

Simon laughed softly as he walked back up behind you. His hands slipping around your hips and he leaned over your shoulder and whispered darkly, “I would love to show you just how horrible I am…or not horrible… I have had mixed reviews in the past.” He laughed against your neck as he placed a soft kiss against the smooth skin, his mustache tickling your soft skin slightly causing you to let out a small girlish giggle as you finished cooking the eggs.

Purposefully you push your bottom against him urging him to move back as you turned off the burner. “Find the plates.” You said sharply again, this time a little smirk playing on your lips.

Simon let out a barely audible chuckle as his one of his large hands slid down from you waist and gave your ass a playful squeeze. “I love this teasing…” He started leaning in, “But eventually I am gonna have to have it.” His other hand slipped between the opening of the robe and between your thighs. Your back arches against him as you catch breathe feeling his fingertips tease you through your soft cotton panties before he pulls his hand away. His lips brush against your ear as he leans in.  “I am patient fucking man, I really am… so no pressure but I do want you and think you may just want me.” His voice was thick with lust and you could feel your cheeks flush as dampness began to grow between your thighs. Simon smirked at your reaction as he reached up and pulled down some plates and set them on the counter for you dish out breakfast.

You ate quietly, helping Deacon make sure more of his eggs made it into his mouth than on the floor. The quite meal was interrupted by the sound of Simon’s radio crackling in the bedroom. You glanced up at Simon as you scooped the last little bit of eggs together on Deacon’s plate and got them onto his spoon before handing it to him. Simon stood up from the table and slipped back into your room quickly to answer the radio call.  

Helping Deacon down from the table you tell him softly to go play before you pick up the three plates and put them into the sink. As you make your way towards your bedroom Simon walks out buttoning up his shirt looking a little nervous. “Get dressed…” Simon said as he reached out and rested his hand on your waist as he stopped you on your way into your bedroom. He leaned in an whispered. “Negan wants me to bring you and Deacon to him, now…” His hand moved from your waist to your cheek. “I want to just keep you all to myself…” His words were filled with jealously and lust as he spoke. Simon leaned in and pressed his lips against yours, capturing them in a feverish embrace, giving you the first real kiss that you had in years.

Simon was the last person you would have expected end up kissing but in that moment you found yourself lost in his touch. His hands run up through your messy hair as he pulls you deeper into the kiss. You pull back slowly. His hand still tangled in your hair. As you dart your tongue across your bottom lip as you leaned back against the door. “Simon…” you started slowly as you glanced over at Deacon who was oblivious to your conversation. “As much as I may want this, Negan…”

“Fuck Negan…” Simon said sharply as his hand slipped away from your face. “He lost you… drove you away… he doesn’t deserve this loyalty darling…” Simon ran his hands through his hair frustrated with the situation as you leaned back against the door. “Can’t you see that if you were mine… I would fucking worship you…adore you.” He started his voice rose slightly as he spoke. “You wouldn’t be part of some god damn harem of helpless and selfish girls if you were mine..” Each time he said the word ‘mine’ his voice grew low and gravelly, causing the dampness between your thighs grow and your heartbeat quicken with a sudden wave of desire at his possessive tone. “you would be my one… my only.” His voice maintained the low gravely tone.

You took a step forward and placed your hand on Simon’s chest. The tips of your index finger tracing a light circle over one of the buttons on his shirt as you started. “I know.” There was a sadness to the way you said those two simple words that even you weren’t expecting. The idea of being with someone so devoted to you was the dream you held on to since childhood but now that Negan knew about Deacon. It was something that was likely going to be beyond your grasp. _Negan doesn’t want me with anyone else, he all but said as much last night_ you mind reminded you but he was not your husband any more. You let out a small sigh as you rested your head against Simon’s chest. “But _He_ is Deacon’s father… you said he deserved a chance..” Lifting your head back you gaze up at Simon, through your long eyelashes and watch his jaw twitch as he let out a jealous huff.

Simon clasped his hand around yours  “With his son…” Simon said as he squeezed your hand. “Not with you…” His dark eyes focus on yours as he speaks and your heart almost skips a beat at the way he spoke. _He cares, I care that he cares…shit._ You let out a little sigh as you slip your hand away and start to walk towards the basket of clothes you never put away.

Simon went to leave to give you privacy but as you pulled out the long boho skirt and peasant top you shook your head. “Stay…” You said with an edge of nervousness in your voice. A flirtatious smirk grew across Simon’s lips as he closed the door to the bedroom slightly, leaving it open just a crack so you both could hear Deacon as he played in the next room.

Slowly you untie your dark navy robe, letting it slip off your shoulders as Simon made his way towards you. Eyes focused intently on you as the robe falls to the floor. He lets out a breathy sigh as he sees you in nothing but the thing, pale blue nightdress in the light of day. He reached out and traced his fingers along your collar bone, barely touching your skin as he pushed the thin silk strap down over your shoulder, the fabric slowly falling away and exposing your breast as his other hand repeated the same slow but fluid movement. Simon let out a low, throaty moan as he gazed upon your exposed breasts for the first time. “You are fucking gorgeous…” He said hungrily as he leaned in and captured your lips in his, his large rough hands cupping your bare breasts. The clothes in your hands fall away as you drape your arms around his neck as one of his hands moves to push the night dress the rest of the way over your curvaceous hips before falling to the floor. Simon’s lips still locked on yours his hand then slips into your plain white panties, causing a low moan to escape your lips as he slowly slides a finger deep within your growing dampness. He breaks his hold on your lips as he hisses sharply feeling you tightness around him. “I said I was a patient man…” He started in a low, voice, each syllable heavy with lust as he slowly pushed you back against the bed. His finger slipping from your core as gripped the hem of your underwear as he loomed over you. “I lied…” He said with a dark chuckle that made you bite your lip with anticipation as pulled your panties off.

Slowly you part you legs for him as he licks his lips, his hand’s moving to his belt. Biting your bottom lip you look up at him, your eyes heavy with lust as well watching as he pushed his pants down over his slim hips allowing his thick cock to spring forth as he leaned over you gripping your hips tightly. “I am going to be hard all fucking day thinking about you…” he started in barely more than a whisper as he rubbed the tip of his thick cock over you slick slit, coating it in your juices. He slapped the tip against your throbbing clit as he continued. “ with my cum dripping from this perfect fucking pussy…” He growled lowly as he slowly slid into you. You stifled a loud moan, your hand clasping over you mouth as he stretched you in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time. “while you are with _him..”_ Simon growled as he thrust hard into you.

Your legs wrapped tightly around his waist as you pull him deeper into you, needing to feel every inch of him filling you as you fought back the urge to scream his name. Simon grunted roughly as he pulled you down on him with each thrust. “I’m going to be selfish… but I have been fucking rock hard since I woke up with that perfect…fucking…ass” He groaned roughly unable to finish his thought as his pace grew more frantic. You bite down on your hand to keep from moaning loudly as Simon thrusts harder and harder into you. His thick cock pushing all the way into your depths, filling you in a way you had never felt before. Even with Negan, who had impressive cock in own right.  Your hands blindly reach out and grip his button down shirt tightly, a softly moan escaping your lips as Simon thrusts hard into you, his finger tips digging into the soft flesh of your hips as he fucks you into the bed.

His head dipped down as his lips pressed against your neck. He let out a low, guttural moan against your skin. Sending vibrations through your body as he spilled his seed into your tight core with a final powerful thrust. He lifts his head and places a soft, tender kiss on your lips as he slips his now soft cock from your dripping core. He laughs softly as you smirk up at him. “You owe me…” You say with a little laugh and Simon nods as he pulls his pants back up over his hips leaving them undone as he reached down and handed you the clothes you had meant to change into.

“Oh I know…” He smirked as he watched you slip your panties back on. He reached over and rubbed your still tingling and tender pussy through the thin cotton fabric. “I will make it up to you… If I thought I could get away with it right now..” Your hips grind against his palm hungrily, needing that sweet friction to help ease the tension that had built up from the quick, rough and needy sex you had just had. “I would be right between those legs making you scream my name…” He chuckled softly as he pulled his hand away and went to buckle his belt as you let out a small whimper.

“That’s just mean…” You said with a little scowl the made Simon chuckle darkly as stepped into the skirt and pulled it up over your hips. As you pulled you top on over your head Simon’s radio crackled and you heard Negan’s voice demanding to know what was taking so long, which caused you both to stifle a little laugh and Simon to quickly hush you.

“Can’t a man have his morning shit Negan… for fuck’s sake. I am on my way now.”  Simon gave your bottom a squeeze as he leaned in and whispered. “I will make up for it later…” His mustache tickling you ear causing a small giggle to escape your lips. “Go get Deacon..”

Giving him a quick nod and slipping on a pair of flip flops as you exited your bedroom and went to scoop up your little boy who was still playing happily. Unware of what just transpired in the other room. “You ready to go see Daddy?” You ask trying to sound excited but something told you that you and Deacon would be spending most of the day with his father. Part of you wanted to be happy because Deacon seemed to enjoy spending time with his father. _He likes to spend time with Simon too_ that dark voice in the back of your mind called out.

Simon sauntered out of the bedroom, his eyes transfixed on you as squatted down to help your son on with his shoes. Once Deacon was ready you slowly stood up and gave Simon a little smirk. _Why the hell did I just do that?_ Your mind scolded but you couldn’t help but smirk softly at longing ache between your thighs from Simon’s greedy quickie and thinking on his promise to make up for it tonight made your walls contact at the thought, causing some of Simon’s cum to dribble from your still slick pussy and collect in your panties as you walked towards him. As he reached out and placed his hand on your lower back he had the most devious smirk playing on his lips. “Shall we?” he said in an overly chipper voice.

“Don’t sound so damn happy…” You quipped back quickly. Simon let out a low chuckle and Deacon looked up at you confused. “Pay no attention to Simon bubba…”

Simon scoffed slightly as he opened the door and let you and Deacon through the door. As you walked through the door he let his hand fall away from your back and there was this moment of sadness at the loss of his touch. _Ugh, why?_ You ask yourself unsure of how any of this transpired. You had no desire to enter into a relationship, though there were shockingly enough worse choices than Simon. “Don’t listen to your Mama kiddo… I am a cool guy…” Simon said with a small chuckle as he closed the door to your little home and started to make the short walk down the hall to Negan’s rooms.

You squeezed Deacon’s hand as you neared the door. You tried to fake a smile but from the look that Simon gave you and the equally as worried look that your son shot you, you relaxed your face and took a deep breath. Things were awkward enough between you and Negan without some strange new relationship with Simon but you made your bed and you knew you were going to just have to deal with it like you always had. Your heart beat quickened as a Simon reached out and knocked a few times on the heavy door.

You leaned down slightly for a moment and whispered to your son. “When the door opens, go up to him and say ‘hi daddy’ and give him a hug.” You instructed glancing up at Simon who looked calm as could be. _How can he be so damn calm, Negan will know something happened… he always knows._  As you smoothed Deacon’s wild morning hair down, the door opened.

Negan had his eyes locked on you for a moment. His tongue darting across his lips as he quickly mustered an enthusiastic smile for the son you shared. “There’s my boy!” he exclaimed clapping his hands and as if on cue, Deacon trotted over to his father and lifted his arms. Negan bent down and scooped Deacon up as the little boy wrapped his arms around his father’s neck.

“Daddy…” Deacon said softly, still unsure of what to make of Negan but hearing his son calling him ‘Daddy’ caused a warm smile to grow across Negan’s face. He looked so different when he smiled like that, his eyes lit up and he looked truly happy. _Why couldn’t he have been an ass about this?_ You question silently. _It would have made this whole situation a hell of a lot easier to handle._

Your eyes dart back to Simon, who’s jaw was slightly clenched watching Negan hold Deacon. _And this one… why does he have be so good with Deacon._ You make note of how Simon’s whole demeanor had changed now that he was leaving you and Deacon with Negan. When you were alone, he was relaxed and easy going. In that moment though, as he stood holding the door open, every well toned muscle tense and on edge. As you took a few steps, making you way to cross the threshold, out of the corner of your eye you noticed Simon’s jaw twitch and his eyes grow dark with jealousy.

You were not the only one to notice this. Setting Deacon down on the floor, Negan turned slightly as he pointed to a small basket of toys that sat next to the couch. “Go check out your toys buddy..” Negan instructed as he placed a tender hand on the toddler’s back, gently urging him in. Deacon turned back and looked at you nervously. You nod your head quickly, knowing what ever was about to come out of Negan’s mouth was something that Deacon did not need to hear.

As Deacon went off just out of ear shot to play with his toys, Negan turned back around. His face full of suspicion as his gaze bounced back and forth between you and Simon. He lifted his right hand, his long index finger extended as he waved his hand back and forth between you and Simon as he began to speak. “You two fucking said there is nothing fucking going on here…” He began, his voice low, rage simmering just below the calmness that he was trying to maintain. You opened your mouth to protest but Negan pointed his finger at you and growled. “Don’t fucking even say it (y/n), don’t even fucking let the words slip out of those lips..” As Negan scolded you Simon’s jaw twitched as his grip on the door tightened. Taking a step back from Negan out of fear you unconsciously moved toward Simon. Negan’s brow furrowed as he snarled. “This…” He said in reference your movement. “Just proves my fucking suspicions…”

“Stop..just fucking stop!” Your harsh tone even shocked yourself as you closed your eyes and tried your best to calm yourself down. Negan didn’t allow you a moment as he reached out and snatched your wrist violently jerking you forward. You let out a small cry of fear as your eyes shoot open to Simon let go of the door and shove Negan back.

“Get your fucking hands off her!” He snarled as Negan stumbled back, shocked by his right hand man’s protective turn Negan let go of your wrist as you scrambled behind Simon. The two men stood toe to toe for a moment in silence. Negan’s jaw was clenched tight as he face had a look of pure rage painted across it. His skin flushed slightly as his blood pressure rose. Simon had one hand behind you, resting on your hip to keep you out of the line of fire. His dark eyes narrowed in on Negan as his friend went to speak.

Negan tilted his head to one side, than the other in one fluid motion like a snake as he began to speak. “She is my wife…” Negan’s words dripped with venom as he leaned forward challenging Simon.

“Was.” Simon spat back with the ferociousness of an overly aggressive guard dog. “She was your wife… you fucked it up…” The tension between the two men made your stomach twist. You didn’t want this. You hated conflict, it was why you left Negan and his Deacon in the first place.

You could have sworn Negan growled as lunged forward and wrapped his hands around Simon’s neck. “Fucking slimy little fucking shit weasel…” Negan swore as he slammed Simon up against the door that had been propped open with his foot just a moment before. You scream and rush to try and wedge yourself between the two men who were locked their physical struggle. Simon’s hands tried peal away Negan’s but that only made Negan’s grip grow tighter.

Knowing you had little choice left, you hauled your hand back and brought it across the side of Negan’s face with a loud crack. Shocked by the stinging slap Simon managed to pry the other man’s hands from around his neck and push Negan back enough that now you were the one standing between the two men. Your hands stretched out trying to keep them apart as they both panted trying to catch their breaths. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” You scream at Negan before turning around to look at Simon. “And you…” You seethe, “You couldn’t just keep your fucking pie hole shut.” You try once more to close your eyes, taking a deep breath in attempt to calm yourself as both men start to clamor to explain but you wanted none of it. “Would you both… SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Both surprised by your thunderous demand quickly follow your instruction as you tried to calm yourself down.

As you take a long deep breath and let it out finally open your eyes and cross your arms in front of your chest as you turn towards Negan. “I am not your wife… I was barely your wife when I was one of your wives… think of that fucking sentence for a moment and what wrong with it?!” You snap, as you tap your flip flop on the floor. Simon started to chime in and you quickly lifted you hand. “Shut your fucking mouth Simon…SHUT IT!” Taking another deep breath you try once more to speak in a calm tone, trying so hard to be the voice of reason between these two Alpha males. “We have a son together… that is it. I am willing to let you be a part of his life… though God help me why I am allowing this after this.” Negan lets out a low growl at your comment but says nothing. “Me and Simon…” You quickly wave your hand between the two of you. “We have something… I don’t know what the fuck it is but I want to find out and I am fucking allowed to do so. Because who sticks their fucking dick in me is still my fucking choice Negan… it always has been and always will be. It’s one of your fucking rules. You want to break one of your own rules?” Though you were doing your best to keep your voice calm, your defensive body langue told a different story.

Negan groaned as he started to speak but you shook your head. “I don’t want to hear more of your bullshit Negan… be Deacon’s father please. But you and I are not going to happen again… I will not play second fiddle to your dead wife… I will not be one of many new wives that you just keep around because it’s an easy way to fuck a bunch of different women and morally justify it…” Negan lets out another huff but stays silent as you turn towards Simon.

Though you were less upset with him, because his actions in some way were in defense of you, you still gazed at him with quite a bit of anger in your eyes. “And Simon…” You let out a long sigh as you gaze at the floor for a moment. “I get you wanted to protect me… but if this is gonna work… you two need to not fight… I won’t have my son around it.” Simon let out a small sigh and just gave a little nod agreeing with you.

“So you two…” Negan started and you turned back around, Simon moving behind you. “This is a thing…”

“Deal with it…” You say in a stern voice. “Stop wasting time worrying about who I chose to spend my time with and go spend time with your son.” Turning slowly as your spoke you started to walk back towards your bedroom completely over the whole situation. You paused for a moment turned back and looked at Simon. “Are you coming?”

Simon nodded, not waiting for Negan’s approval, “Yup…” He said slowly as he joined you at your side.

“What about Deacon?” Negan called out as you and Simon continued to walk.

“He is your kid too… deal with him. If he bleeds or like suddenly gets sick… I’ll be in my room.” You knew that Deacon was just as safe with Negan as with just about anyone else, perhaps more so. He was his father after all and Negan told you once he was a teacher before all this. He was going to have to learn to be a father some time and there was no time like the present.


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had a lot of comments about people being upset that there isn’t Negan/Reader stuff yet… well just calm down. This is a slow burn in regards to Negan/Reader. I assure it is 95% chance that it’s end game… Simon could come out of left field.. he is a tricky fucker and I am sucker for a good underdog lol and I kinda love Ogg and Simon but I digress, there is a lot of history that is quite dark and generally fucked up between Negan and our Reader (some of which we learn about in this chapter but this is only scratching the surface of their past). We are only about 24 full hours since Negan learned he has this kid. A lot has happened in a very short span of time. I had planned on just 15 parts but now I am not setting a limit on myself to tell this story… It’s gonna end up being as long as needs to be. Sorry this took me so long.. I was sick. I did a rewrite... I have just be a hot mess. Any way enjoy xoxo

_Negan is insufferable, he is a god damn monster, why in the fuck did you leave Deacon with him?_  Your mind screamed as you walked through the door of your room, Simon following only a step behind you. Your mind was scolding you on a loop, like an old broken record. The rational, reasonable person part of your brain knew that Negan would never hurt your son, but that emotional part of your mind. That part that drove all the decisions that had served you and your child well to that point was livid with your rash choice. _He just had his hands wrapped around Simon’s neck… He was literally choking the life out of the man that you happen to be fucking at the moment… and you thought it was a brilliant idea to leave your precious, innocent child in his fucking care!_

You were so lost in your thoughts when Simon reached out and touched your arm you jumped. The simple, gentle touch sent a wave of rage through your body as you swatted away his hand. It was not until you looked up and saw Simon’s hurt and shocked expression did you realize what you did. “Oh shit, Simon… I didn’t..” You stammered as you reached out and took his hand.

Simon gave you a half smile and little nod. “No, I understand… Negan…” He started but stopped when you started shaking your head. Negan was consuming enough of your mind that the last thing you wanted to do was to have Simon only continue the discussion. He reached out cupped your cheek. “Listen, I hate the idea of leaving you right now… but _he_ is only going to ride my ass harder if I don’t get to work.” You let out a little groan. You didn’t want to be alone any more than he wanted to leave you. Simon pulled you into a tight hug and kissed the top of your head. “It’s quick day,” He started as you gazed up at him. “We are just prepping for a run to the Hilltop tomorrow… just a few hours and I’ll be back.” His hands smooth your long dark hair as he leans down and places as sweet kiss on your lips.

Turning away from him, your hand lingering in his as you looked around the room uncomfortably. “What the hell am I going to do Simon?” You exclaimed completely at a loss of how to spend your day. “I have been working or minding Deacon for two years…” You started, your voice shaking as this sudden loss of purpose washed over you. Simon let out a little chuckle as his hand slipped from yours as he started to move towards the door.

“Well, a nap may be a good place to start sweetheart.” Simon suggested as his hand gripped the door knob. He paused and turned back for a moment. “I’ll come back here when I am done for the day, if you want…” You nod from the middle of the room with small smirk playing on your lips as Simon turns to leave with a smirk of his own playing on his lips.

Simon’s advice was sound enough, the last nap you remembered taking was the day that Deacon was born. Though you had only been up for a few hours, the day was already wearing on you where you felt that perhaps taking that nap sooner rather than later was a good idea. As you walked into the small side room where your bedroom was, you pushed your long skirt down and let it crumple to heap on the floor as you lifted your shirt off over your head. Letting out a long heavy sigh you ran your hands over your bare skin trying to settle your mind for a moment before you crawled into bed and under the light blanket. As you nestled yourself into your pillow you couldn’t help but stare at spot where Simon has slept.

His pillow was just inches from your head. You reached up and pulled it into your arms. It still smelled faintly of him. That unique smell of alcohol, soap and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It was just _Simon._ The simple lingering smell of him made you smile softly and feel oddly safe. That feeling of safety allowed sleep to come far easier than you had expected just as it had the night before.

How long you were asleep you were not quite sure, but you could have slept for hours more if you hadn’t been awaken by the sound of a familiar cry and feverish pounding on your door. Half asleep you rolled out of bed and searched for your robe. Slipping it on quickly and tying it closed as you walked out of the bedroom you called. “I’m coming…”

 

It was only when you opened the door and saw Negan looking quite frazzled holding a screaming Deacon did you fully wake up. “Help… please…” Negan said in an uncharacteristically desperate tone as you reached out and took your son into you arms.

“What did you do to him?” You accuse sharply, you eyes narrowed in on Negan who was still standing in the door as you moved into the room trying to console your son.

Negan scoffed at your comment. He seemed genuinely offended at the implication that he was the source of his son’s distress. “I didn’t do fucking shit… he was fine.. we were playing then I got up for one second to go get a fucking drink and he loses his fucking mind!” Negan is frazzled, he obviously hadn’t dealt with the glory that was a toddler of the age of 2.

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you looked at Deacon who was finally starting to calm down. His head resting on your should and his little arms wrapped around your neck. “He is two years old Negan… he doesn’t know how to process his emotions properly.” You say trying to be calm in the moment but Negan still standing in the doorway make things both far too public for your liking and a bit like you were on two different sides. “Just come in..” You say as you set Deacon down in his crib and begin to take off his shoes and get him ready for a nap. You glance over your shoulder and watch Negan take a few steps in, still staying close to the door even though it was now shut. “He gets easily upset when he get tired… don’t you bubba?” You turn back to Deacon who gave a large yawn and shook his head in protest. You simple nod at him in return as you set about getting him ready for his nap.

Negan takes another few steps towards you as you turn around to set Deacon’s shoes on the floor before putting his dirty jeans and diaper in the laundry basket. “How was I supposed to know that?” Negan asked honestly and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his stupid question.

You scoff as little as you start to close the gap between you and your ex husband. “Have you never been around children?” You ask earnestly. Negan huffs but doesn’t answer. “Toddlers… particularly two and three year olds, can be trying because they are literally growing so fast and learning things so quickly… it’s a lot for little brains to handle.” You glance over at the crib and see Deacon start to settle down. “Lay down bubba..” You said softly before turning back to Negan. “It doesn’t help that he obviously has your temper..” You note with a small laugh but Negan did not find your comment at all amusing as he stared back at you with a cold, dark look in his eyes.

Negan took a slow step towards you as he loomed over you, “So are you going to blame everything bad about him on me?” There was a part of you that wanted to say yes to his question, but as an act of self preservation you shook your head and cast your eyes to the floor.

Even after all these years Negan made you feel like less of a person when he loomed over you like this. He nearly had a foot on you in height. You drew in a sharp breath as you tried to muster some of that resolve that you had a few hours before and meet Negan’s gaze once more. Pushing your shoulders back you stood tall and you jaw was clenched tight. You hands instinctively crossed in front of your chest and you cocked your head to side as you began to speak. “I just said he had your temper… stop trying to pick a fucking fight where there is none Negan…” The tension hung thick in the air that separated you and Negan. Both with equally stern glares painted across your faces.

Negan almost pushed into you has he tried to press the issue. “Well I’m not the fucking one trying to play the who takes the fucking blame game because if you want to start that game darling then let’s fucking go.” He almost growled as he finished his sentence and you drew in a sharp breathe as you place a hand on Negan’s chest shoving him back. “Where were these fucking balls when you were my wife..” He chuckled darkly as he gripped your wrist yanking your hand away from his chest.

Your face contorts in anger and pain as his large hands grip your slender wrist with far more force than was necessary. You struggle for a moment before snatching your hand back and rubbing your wrist with your other hand. “I had balls back then too but you fucking broke me you son of bitch…” You snap forgetting that Deacon was only a few feet from you. “I actually fucking wanted to be with you… you saved me… from..” You stammer as the memories of the night that Negan took over the Sanctuary from the savages that ran the camp before. You take a deep breath as you look back up at Negan. “Do you even remember? Did you even know who I was when I came up and said I wanted to marry you like Frankie did…”

Negan’s bottom lip trembled as he listened to you speak, remembering the events as if they had only happened days before. “I knew..” He mumbled and your breath caught as the words reached your ears.

For all these years you believed and Negan in many ways had led you to believe that he didn’t remember that he had saved you from those _wolves_ as Negan called them. In your small way you were the reason he was in power, you were the reason he had that damned baseball bat in the first place. It was never that you felt he owed you something, because he was the one saved you. A simple acknowledgement of your role as catalyst to the events would have been more than enough.

As you let a long sigh you tilted your head back fighting back the urge to cry. “Then why didn’t you just fucking say something Negan?” you choke out, you voice shaking as you speak. Your hands tremble as you run them through you long messy hair. You take another long soothing breath trying so desperately to calm the urge to scream at him as you catch the sight of Deacon’s little toes peeking out from under his blanket as he napped. “Why when we were together did you call me her name then?” You ask as bitterly as your eyes finally lock on Negan’s face.

He was doing his best to hide the storm of emotions but those dark telling eyes hid nothing. He closed his eyes for a moment, his mouth down turned in a solemn, stern grimace. As if something was cutting at his very core. _I struck a nerve._ You note as you take a small step forward, your head swaying slightly with the movement as slightly cocky, half smirk played in the corners of your mouth. “Is it because I look like her?” You ask as you take another step noticing the muscles in Negan’s neck twitch with your words _I guess the answer is yes_. You chuckle darkly as you take another step forward. “So when you were fucking me… all those times you came in my room, smelling like booze in the middle of the night mumbling about how you were fucking sorry and you love me, it wasn’t for me…” Your jaw clenches as Negan takes a sharp breath in and his eyes open back up and is only able to look at you for more than a moment before casting his eyes to the floor once more.

Negan didn’t need to answer your questions because that short glance, spoke volumes where his voice was silent. Your gaze was fixed on him, your eyes dark with years of pent up rage and pain that had built up over the years. “You never called the others _her_ name…” Your voice is filled with malice, you could see Negan’s expression harden as you pressed forward. “Just me… because that’s what it all comes down to doesn’t it…” Negan’s eyes pop back open as your words cut him deep. “You only saved…you only married me… you only fucked me because I reminded you of Lucille…” You almost spit her name like poison from your lips.

Negan’s hands clench into fists at the mention of his dead wife’s name and there was a moment where you thought he was going to take a swing at you but thankfully he didn’t. “You think you know fucking everything about fucking everyone don’t you?” He snarled. You gave him a small yet cocky little smirk as you shrugged and he scoffed at your pathetic excuse of an answer. “Oh so now the cat’s got your fucking tongue…” He snapped back quickly this time being the one to almost push you backwards as he took a small step forward.

As your bare feet regain their solid footing on the cool concrete floor, as you take a long shallow breath. “No.” You start slowly. “I just want an honest answer out of you for once in this farce we call a relationship.” Your words while harsh had a tone of brutal honesty to them. Negan’s eyes were focused on you now, studying every small muscle movement of your face as you tried to remain calm.

Negan glanced over towards Deacon’s crib, watching his son sleep for several moments before turning back to you. Letting out a long, heavy sigh Negan reached out and placed his hand on your shoulder. “You want the truth?” You give him a quick nod and he lets out a small huff. “Fine.” He said sharply as his hand slipped away from your shoulder as he started to walk into your bed room. You stood in the middle of the larger room staring at him as he stood in the doorway to the other smaller room. “Come on…” He demanded and this time you followed.

Once in the room Negan gestured for you to sit on the bed as he leaned back against the dresser. As you stat down, your hands fidgeting in your lap, Negan finally started to drop his mask. “Yes…” The simple word, just one syllable send a shiver down your spine making each hair on your body stand on end in the sudden realization that you weren’t making all those jealous feelings up. “From the first fucking day I walked into this place… when it was nothing more than a fucking shit show run by children… I couldn’t believe how much you looked like Lucille when I met her almost 20 years ago when I was in collage.” His bottom lip quivered for a moment as he almost smiled as if he was recalling a fond memory from his youth as his eyes cast to floor for a moment. “I didn’t want to know you, at that point everyone one who’s path I had crossed and I started to fucking care about ended up dead… and I watched Lucille die once…I didn’t want to get all fucking attached to you and then go through that shit all over again.” His voice shook as his eyes started to raise to meet your gaze.

His hands shook as he gripped the dresser. “Then… a few months in to being here, Simon and I were drinking late one night and I hear this blood curtailing scream.” This time you were the one to cast your eyes to floor as he recounted his side of the events of the night that changed the course of so many people’s lives. “Simon and I are both like ‘What the fuck?’ so we race across the yard and find those fucking wolves beating the shit out of you, doing what they did…” His voice almost cracks as he describes the events. There wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t think of that night, but in all this time you had never heard Negan’s side of things. “You looked up at me… tears in your eyes and so fucking scared, blood all over your face… screaming ‘help me’.” You glanced up at Negan to watch as he hung his head low. His eyes locked on his boots. “I lost it, I picked up the bat and the rest well you know the fucking rest.” He grumbled as he kicked his boot against the floor in frustration, “Yes maybe the fact that you look like goddamn ghost of my dead wife played a factor but I am not the type of man that would have stood by and watch some innocent girl get fucking raped…”

You wince as if his words physically stung you. “I know.” You choke out fighting back tears. Not because Negan had hurt you, because while the truth of the matter did hurt. His willingness to be honest with you was something that you had never seen before in Negan. You bring your hand to your cheek to quickly wipe away the stray tear that was daring to roll down your cheek in defiance of the stony expression you were trying to maintain. As painful as the subject matter was you didn’t want Negan to see just how much it was ripping you apart, deep in your soul, to hear the much needed truth.

Negan let out a long breath before he continued, “Then a few weeks later, you come up to me and ask me if you can be one of my wives… you still had a fucking black eye and bruises up and down your arms. You looked half fucking starved and on the verge of death.” Negan was obviously frustrated recalling this moment. His breaths grew shorter as he ran his hands through his hair. “What the fuck was I supposed to say (y/n)? No, because you look like my wife that died… it would be too hard for me… too fucking cruel for you. “ He questioned you wide eyed but you couldn’t even look at Negan at the moment for fear if you did you would lose the little resolve you had left. “I couldn’t do that… so I say ok… then to make things worse as time goes fucking on for me, you are nicer to me than all the other wives… even when I did nothing but push you away. You take everything I threw at you without a peep of protest. I would come see you only when I missed _her._ I didn’t hide that either because I wanted it to hurt. I wanted you to hate me… because if you hated me it would be easier for me to be hateful back and maybe eventually you would fucking hate me enough to leave.” Negan paused and let out a long breath and half hearted chuckle. “I guess my plan fucking worked.”

As you shook your head with disbelief at the tale you had just been told. It was hard for you to imagine the hold that woman still held over him. “Can you hear how fucking cruel that all sounds.” You choke out the last thread of resolve wavering. “Everything that you ever did to me… for me… even probably still do…” Your voice wavers as your hands shake as you scoot back on the bed searching for Simon’s pillow blindly behind you. As your hand grasps it you quickly clutch it to your chest as you burry your face in it to hide the tears that were now streaming from your eyes.

Negan took a few steps forward and reached out to comfort you but you swatted his hand away with an angry snarl. “Don’t you fucking dare…” Lifting your head from the pillow, your eyes red from your tears as you glare up at Negan.

“I am sorry,” Negan started sounding incredibly sincere. “but you wanted the truth…” That after thought he added cut deep and it was meant to do so, he couldn’t let you get the best of him completely.

Shaking you head as you hand clutched the pillow tightly in your hands as you hid your face once more in the pillow as your tried desperately to resist the urge to punch the father of your child. All you could think of to say as you lifted your head after a few moments was “Please leave.” Your voice was soft, weak and filled with sorrow. “Just go… leave me alone please…” You plead.

Negan sighs and shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good fucking idea what so ever.” His voice held a tone of concern that you didn’t expect from him in that moment. “Being alone right now is the last thing you need.”

“Then pull Simon off work and let him come be with me because I do not want you here.” You snap quickly as you toss the pillow aside and stand up. Negan takes a step back his dark eyes narrowing in on you.

Negan’s glare was stern and he shook his head. “No.” He said simply.

“I don’t give a single fuck if you say no… I am not your wife… I am sure as hell not your fucking dead fucking wife… that’s your option. Take it and fucking go..” You said shoving him towards the door. Though he towered over you the rage coursing through your veins causing this brash move made you bolder than you had been in years. Negan seemed shocked as he stumbled back. He had seen sides of you he did not know existed in the last 24 hours. In his mind you had always been this mild, meek little thing who couldn’t and wouldn’t defend herself. This woman before him was a different creature entirely. You were rattled, unhinged almost in that moment as you pushed him once more to try and get him out of your bedroom. “I need to fucking process all that fucking shit you dumped on me… it’s only fucking fair… now leave.” You seethe as Negan takes a step back towards the door.

He was not a nervous man, you had never seen him look truly nervous before that moment. “Fine… but I am going to wait for him out here… with the kid.” He almost stammered as he took another step out of the bedroom as you gripped the doorknob tightly.

“Fine.” You growl as you close the door, though you wished you could have slammed it for a better effect but that would have woken Deacon and he was the most innocent party in all this chaos. As much as you wanted to allow yourself to fall apart and feel all the emotions that were being locked in your wounded soul to their fullest extent. You could not do so knowing Negan was on the other side of the thin wall.

He had already seen far too much of the side of you that few people ever see, that dark broken side that still didn’t sleep through the night because of the nightmare that plagued you. _Till last night…_ you thought for moment trying to occupy your mind with any other subject than the truth behind the shaky foundation of your and Negan’s relationship.

Turning back towards the bed you took a few short steps before falling forward and flopping down on the bed. You scurry up towards the head of the bed and wrap your arms around the pillow Simon had used last night once more. You closed you eyes and did your best to try and calm your mind but it was no use. Silent tears started to seep from your eyes betraying your near iron will to fight back these emotions. Your chest grew tight as a feeling of panic coursed through your veins as you closed your eyes. In an instant you were back to the night that Negan had come to your rescue. You could almost feel the heat from the fire on your skin. The sound of the long dead men cat calling you echoed through your mind as you lay alone in the room. Taking a sharp breath your eyes pop open, _It’s not real… it’s just a memory… it’s the past… they are all dead._ You repeat trying to calm that panic that was only tightening it’s grip on your body and mind in that moment.

You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn’t hear the knock on main door, or that Negan had let Simon in. There was muffled conversation between the men. You were not paying enough attention to make out what they were saying to each other. Only frantic and frustrated tones that almost made you think it was all in your head.

 It wasn’t until Simon walked into your bed room did you even notice that any time at all had past. As he closed the door behind him, Simon quickly rushed to your side. As he sat down next to you, he reached up and wiped the tears streaming down your cheek. “What did that son of a bitch do?” Simon asked in a soft yet distinctively angry tone.

You lift your head up a little as you sniffle and bring the sleeve of your robe to your face to dry your tears. “Fucking Lucille…” You grumble and instantly Simon knew what you meant and you watched as this look of pure rage spread across his face. He didn’t seem shocked or surprised by your words either, which led you to believe he likely knew about this all along.

“He never fucking deserved you.” Simon reminded you bitterly as his strong hand, tenderly caressed your cheek. Your hands slowly move towards your tear stained cheeks, sniffling softly as you try to wipe away the tears as they stream down your cheeks. Simon lets out a long sigh as holds his arms open. “Come here sweetheart…” Without much thought you almost fell into Simon’s arms. Your face pressed against his chest as your cries turned into hard sobs as you finally allowed yourself to feel some of the emotions that you had been pushing down since your conversation with Negan had begun.

As you sobbed your breaths grew shorter and you could feel the full grip of sheer terror take hold on your body. The tightness in your chest spread like wildfire through all the muscles of your body. Your lips quivered as your sobbed “I wasn’t doing anything… I didn’t do anything… why did they pick me… why did _Negan_ say yes… why did he use me like that?” You wailed into Simon’s chest as your hands gripped the back of his shirt for tightly. “I am just cursed or something…” You sob hard as you rest your head against his chest. With each sob your body shakes with the raw pain of memories.

This was not the first time, nor would it be that last time, that Simon held you, sobbing in his protective embrace. The first time was the _night_ that all this started in way. Negan took care of the men who had assaulted you and Simon, he was the one who picked you up and took you too the former army medic who was once the camps only medical care. He stayed with you till Sherry and Dwight found you, then Simon left to finish the rest of the old guard off with Negan.  It was something that you could not remember but it was a moment that Simon could never forget. It was the first time he slaughtered a group of people out of pure rage. Between Negan, Simon, Gavin and a few other long dead friends they killed everyone who had anything to do with the group of young men who had assaulted you. Negan and Simon being the two with the most blood on their hands at the end of the night.

Simon let you sob in his arms till you had no more tears left in you and your body was exhausted in every way possible. Simon put you to bed, tucking you in and laying with you till you were asleep before he got up and went back out into the main room to collect himself. It was not easy for him to play the stoic, comforting partner. It wasn’t in his nature but you had a hold on him from that night that he had helped save you. He tried to talk Negan out of taking you as his wife all those years ago and again when Negan shared his plan to drive you away with him. Even back then Negan accused Simon of warning him against being with you only for selfish reasons but Simon saw something more in you. Where Negan saw the ghost of Lucille, Simon saw the dream of a future. He saw how what happened broke you, how what Negan was doing was only breaking you more and for the first time in his life. Simon wanted to be the one to save girl, but you and Negan were not making that easy for him.

Simon pinched the bridge of his nose as he settled back in one of the wooden dining room chairs as he took a long deep breath. “What the fuck am I gonna do with you?” He mumbled as he hung his head trying to think of some way he could possibly make things less painful for you. As he was lost in his thoughts there was a soft knock on the door, at first Simon didn’t notice it but by the second knock the door opened and Negan stuck his head in.

“How is she?” Negan asked softly and Simon motioned for him to enter. Negan stepped in the room and quickly closed the door behind him. He eyed the bedroom door for a moment as Simon kicked another chair away from the table slightly. Negan took the hint and joined Simon at the table.

“Where’s Deacon?” Simon asked soon as Negan took his seat.

Negan raised his black leather glove covered hand as he spoke. “With Sherry, he was really pissed off when he woke up in my room. I took him to the wives and little man knew Sherry right away and ran straight towards her. It was actually cute as shit to tell you the truth.” Simon couldn’t help but chuckle softly as he looked at Negan for a moment before glancing back at the bedroom, slightly worried what would happen if you woke up with Negan there. “Did you know that (y/n) and Sherry were like childhood friends or some shit?” Negan asked distracting Simon from his previous thought.

“Yeah. D mentioned it earlier, (y/n)’s brother actually got him his job before all this shit.” Simon pointed and Negan smirked. Simon was trying to keep the conversation light despite the fact that he wanted to beat the shit out of Negan for sparking your emotional break. As he chewed on his bottom lip contemplating how he wanted to word what he needed to get off his chest to one of his closest friends, his foot tapped nervously on the smooth grey floor.

The silence was nearing an uncomfortable length when Simon finally found the words he was looking for and his foot steadied. “You do know.. from all that shit from before you took over.. probably left (y/n) with like PTSD.” Negan gave a barely visible nod as he cast his eyes to the table. “I warned you, don’t take that girl on. You told me even before all that happened to her, that she reminded you of your wife. That you would just watch her and get lost in your memories of Lucille.” Simon’s words were sharp and precise as he spoke. Each word meant to be another chink in Negan’s armor. “but you didn’t listen. I get it, trust me I understand why you would want her.”

Negan’s gaze quickly moved from his hands resting on the table to Simon’s smug grin as he gave his jab. His thin lips curled into a snarl as he leaned forward wait for Simon to say something to give him a real reason to finish the fight they had started earlier in the day.

Simon leaned forward as well, his forearms resting across the table as he continued. “You ended up getting what you wanted in the end, she left and was smart enough to leave before you found out she was pregnant. (y/n) is really such a clever girl.” Simon let out a little laugh but Negan did not his statement amusing at all, as he balled his hands into fists as he continued to list to Simon’s speech. “Since you shared some truth with her, let me share with you this little tid bit of information.”  Simon leaned back in the chair and almost chuckled as his eyes met Negan’s “Everyone knew that kid was yours… but you…” Simon leaned forward as he continued. “It wasn’t that hard for anyone to put together. (y/n) stops being your wife and magically 6 months later she gives birth to a perfectly healthy, full term baby… no other man in the picture. Was it immaculate conception? Is Deacon the second coming?” Simon said with a laugh but Negan found none of this amusing.

“Shut the fuck up Simon..” Negan finally groaned. There was this small part of him that had always known that the baby you had given birth to was his child. Like Simon had pointed out, there was no other real option.

“No,” Simon retorted. “You are a smart guy Negan, one of the smartest men I have known. How in the fuck did you not put two and two together before yesterday?” Simon asked sincerely, he was really puzzled by the whole situation.

Negan let out a small sigh and shrugged. “I didn’t see her with him much, I only ever really got a good look at him before when he was a tiny little shit and they all look the same when they are so fucking little.” Negan tried to make excuses but even they sounded horrible to him the second they came out of his mouth.

“Bull shit… I knew my son was mine the fucking second I saw him so that right there is fucking bull shit.” Simon was buying them either and just shook his head. “You want to know what I think?” He asked his friend in a condescending tone.

“No.” Negan replied back sharply.

“Well I don’t give a fuck what you want right now because you need to fucking hear this shit.” Simon slammed his hand on the table to get Negan’s attention before he spoke. “You didn’t do anything about the kid till I said something… because you didn’t want (y/n) back in your life… each day reminding you of _Her_.” Simon pointed out simply and Negan couldn’t deny what he was said an air of truth.  “What was best for the kid be damned, what was fucking best for (y/n) be damned. That girl was struggling for years. Barely getting by, raising that baby all by herself.” Simon shook his head as he spoke, his voice filled with a mixture of rage and disappointment in a man he considered one of his closest friends in either of his lives.

Negan let out a heavy sigh and covered his face with is hands for a moment taking a long deep breath. “All Lucille ever wanted was kids…” Negan started slowly as his hand slicked his hair back as he spoke before leaning back in the chair. “We tried the old fashioned way, we saw doctors, we even scrapped together to do one round of some hormones and shit… no baby. We tried the whole adoption route but we couldn’t afford all the fees and shit.” Negan hung his head for a moment as he took a deep breath. “You are fucking right though…I knew the kid was mine from the second I heard she had a baby.” Simon glared at his friend, his dark eyes burned with anger and Negan raised his hand up. “Don’t fucking start… you said it first.”

“I didn’t think it was true…” Simon responded quickly his voice filled with a great deal of misplaced rage about the years he had missed out on being about of his own son’s short life. “I mean… you knew you had a son for two years and did fuck all about it?” Negan shook his head.

“I made sure she had extra points and had an easy enough job… she is the one that left with my kid.” Negan responds sharply. “Then you point out how much she is struggling and that there is no denying that the boy is mine.. so I fucking offer her a spot back. She won’t take it and I still fucking take care of her and the kid… how the fuck does she repay me? Fucking my best friend.” Negan seethed as he leaned in and looked Simon square in the eyes. “So tell me… Simon… how long have you been fucking my wife..”

“She isn’t your wife…” Simon replied slamming his hands down on the table. “She is her own fucking person and if (y/n) wants to be with me, I am damn sure not going to stop her because the woman is a god damn Queen amongst fucking peasants.” Simon pushed back his chair as he stood up and loomed over Negan. “You had your chance, you blew it… that is on you.” Negan’s jaw clenched as Simon inched closer to him. “She wants us to be peaceful about this shit… we are fucking friends before anything else Negan.” Simon reminded his friend. “Let’s be honest… she could do a lot worse…” Simon smiled darkly as he stood up straight and placed his hands on his hips.

Negan leaned back in the chair and let out a heavy sigh. He was not a man that was defeated easily or often. There was no way that he was going to let Simon have _his_ family without one hell of a fight, but this wasn’t something he could solve with a swing of Lucille. He was going to have to play a long game, win you back with more than fists and threats. “Fine.” Negan said simply as he stood up. “You want to play fucking house with _my_ family Simon, have right the fuck at it… but know this…” He leaned in and got just inches away from Simon’s face. “When you fuck up… and you will… because that is just who you are Simon… I am going to be right there, waiting to pick up the pieces.” He reached his hand up and patted Simon on the cheek with a dark, ominous grin plastered across his face. “Tell (y/n) that Sherry has the squirt… I got shit to do.” Negan turned around and strutted towards the door, as he was about to walk out he turned back for a moment and smiled at Simon. “We good brother?”

Simon gave a slow, measured, nod as he mumbled. “Yeah… we’re good.” Watching Negan intently as he walked out of the room. Once the door was shut Simon let out a heavy sigh of relief as his hands fell away from his hips and he cursed. “Fuck…” partly out of frustration partly out of relief. “Why do I feel like one of us is gonna end up dead before the end of this?” He muttered softly to himself.

“Because… that’s the only way it ever ends Simon…” You answer him softly from the bedroom door. You had woken from your slumber when you heard the two men arguing. You hadn’t caught all of their conversation but enough that your rage towards Negan only intensified in that moment and the feelings you had towards Simon feel so much than perhaps they truly were.

Simon turned around and watched as you walked slowly towards him, your arms crossed in front of your chest. “Sweetheart… you don’t know what you’re asking me to do…” He said slowly as his hand reached out and caressed your cheek. You leaned into his touch and smiled softly.

“It could be as simple as doing nothing Simon… it’s only a matter of time before he pisses off the wrong cowboy.” Simon chuckles softly at your words.

His hand slips into your messy hair as leans his forehead against yours, “Funny you say that…” He said with a dark smile that you both shared. “An outpost was just attacked the other day… there is some rouge group..”

You lift your hand and press it against his lips stopping him from finishing. “Then we wait…see what happens. You play good little solider and I will be on my best behavior… he can see Deacon as much as he wants. We give him no reason to suspect anything Simon…” You hand slipped away from his lips as you spoke. Even as you spoke the words you doubted your conviction, though Simon didn’t seem to see the wavering emotions behind the tone of rage in your voice.

“If he pulls this bull shit again I will fucking kill him, with my bare hands…I don’t ever want to see you like that again (y/n)” Simon said in low tone. His hands tangling in your hair pulling you into a bloodlust fueled kiss. “You are mine now… you understand…” He said in such a dark tone that it sent a shiver down your spine. Despite that shiver you gave him a soft smile and nod. “That’s my girl…” He said with a soft chuckle as he wrapped his arms tightly around you.

There was this sick feeling in your stomach, like you may have just started something that had no good ending…for anyone. Least of all you and your son.


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Okay so some notes… There are a couple so I am going to bullet point for ease…  
> \+ The first four parts covered a span of a little more than 24 hours, there is going to be a roughly 2 week time jump in this chapter. I am doing it mostly move the story along but also to leave room to expand different parts of the story with one shots as we go forward.   
> \+ So it may seem like that this part is very Simon heavy… and it is… but he is vehicle for us to learn some more about our reader’s history from Dwight, including a nice chunk of info on her family and her friendship with Sherry… and even some more insight into how those closest to her view our reader.  
> +I originally planned for us to see both conversations in this part, but I couldn’t figure out a good transition that would have flown well… so part 6 with be the other conversation and the hand off of Deacon…  
> Enjoy.

In days and weeks that followed things started to settle into this odd new life for you and Deacon. Simon had all but moved in and practically married you forgoing any sort of courtship at all. Though you were certain he still kept his own room, he moved most of his clothes and personal items into your bedroom the night he declared you were _his_ now. It didn’t bother you as much as you had originally thought it would. Having Simon in bed with you each night, something Negan never did, holding you throughout the night was by far the most comforting thing in the world to you. Even through the night terrors where you woke up sweating and sometimes swinging. Simon made you feel safe and loved in a way you didn’t think was possible and something you had never in million years expected to find with Simon.

The other surprise your new relationship seemed to bring about was how happy Deacon was with Simon around. Negan and Deacon spent a few hours every day together and were developing a sweet relationship, but Simon and Deacon. They were attached at the hip. Deacon’s eyes lit up the second that Simon would walk in the door after his shift. No matter what the little boy was doing, he could be playing or in the middle of eating. Deacon would stop and race towards Simon. Negan never got that enthusiastic of a greeting from his son without some level prompting form you or even Simon.

This day however was going to be a different day than the routine had settled so comfortably into. Negan had asked if he could spend time with Deacon that evening, evening offering to take his son for this night to allow you and Simon to have a private child free night before things got serious over the next few days. Things with this rouge group were progressing fast. They were causing trouble and Simon said the needed to get put down a peg and fast. So the offer was a nice gesture, but that meant that you didn’t have you normal morning to yourself and Simon didn’t have to pull a shift as the lieutenants had the day off to get ready. It was the first time that the three of you actually got to plan a mornings worth of activities together since your strange relationship with Simon started.

Simon and Deacon stat on the little couch in your room together, Simon reading the toddler a story from one of the children’s books Sherry had dropped of the day before. As you watched them, listening to Simon carefully performed the story, complete with silly voices for each of the characters, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. Your life had become painfully domestic and you on some level loved every second of it. Finishing washing the dishes as Simon wrapped the story you turned around, drying your hands, and smiled at your boys. “So… my little man and… well… my not so little man…” Your joke was met with a short laugh from Simon who shook his head as he set the book on the arm of the couch and gave Deacon a little glance which made the toddler giggle.

“Yes Mama…” Deacon said with a big toothy, grin as he look up at up as you approached the couch.

“Yeah… Mama… what do you have planned for us?” Simon asked sheepishly as he stood up from the couch. His arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you back against him as you giggled softly. “Come on sweetheart…” He knew the plans for the day. _They are his plans not mine_ you note silently as you smirk at Simon before turning your attention back to Deacon.

He looked so excited for the prospect of an adventure. For a child in this harsh world, Deacon had lived a very sheltered and protected life safe within the walls of the Sanctuary. Today his world was going to expand in some small way and that excited you almost as much as the mystery of it excited Deacon.

As you leaned forward, Simon’s hands slipping away from your waist you smile brightly. “We are going to go down to the kitchen…” You start slowly, almost teasing the toddler who looked extremely puzzled by what would be so exciting in the kitchen. “We may even go get Auntie Sherry because this is so special bubba…” Deacon’s eyes grew wide when you mentioned his ‘Auntie’ because he loved Sherry almost as much as you did. “because… we are gonna get Ice Cream!” You had hoped he would have had some sort of reaction but Deacon looked blankly at you and Simon who both had very enthusiastic grins painted across your faces.

Simon leaned down and picked Deacon up. “It’s Ice Cream … this is serious business my boy,” Deacon giggled in Simon’s arms as he leaned and spoke in a low, mock serious tone. “Do you know how special Ice Cream is?” Deacon shook his head and Simon gave him a little nod. You couldn’t help but smirk watching the pair of them looking very serious about the great importance of Ice Cream. It was taking all your self control to keep from laughing at Simon as he continued. “Well we are the only people probably in the whole world who have this stuff these days Dekes and you are so lucky you and mommy got me because I just happen to be friendly with the lady who makes it.”

Deacon’s hazel eyes got wide as his gaze shifted from Simon to you, his little mouth hanging open with surprise as he spoke. “Mama… Ice Ceam…” He said finally sounding excited all be it a little mystified by this mysterious and much coveted substance.

“It’s tasty stuff bubba, I am so shocked your Daddy hasn’t tried to bribe you with it yet.” You said with a little smirk as you walked past Simon and Deacon to grab the little boy’s shoes.

Simon let out a small chuckle as you returned over to him setting one of the shoes down on the arm of the couch as Simon shifted Deacon so his feet were facing you. “I bet he didn’t even think about to be honest,” Simon quipped as you rolled you eyes as you slipped the first shoe on Deacon’s foot. “I know your Daddy gives you all sorts of candy…” Deacon giggled a little as Simon craned his neck to look at the toddler who shook his head but the smirk playing on his lips told the truth.

As you reached back to grab the second shoe you let out a breathy laugh. “I knew that much, Auntie Sherry gives Mama all sorts of good insider information now that I have free access to her again.” You said more to Simon than Deacon as you slipped on Deacon’s other shoe.

Simon leaned down, setting Deacon down on the floor looking quite confused as Simon stood back up and looked at you with one eyebrow raised slightly. “Oh really now..” You shrugged for a moment a gave him a coy smirk. “Go play for a few minutes Dekes…” Simon said quickly never looking away from you.

Deacon tootled off to the corner looking even more confused than before as he plopped down on the floor to play with is toys. You let out a little huff. “I am not having this conversation now Simon, we are supposed to be going and doing something together as family… I told Sherry to meet us in the kitchen at 11, it’s quarter of… Negan wants bubba at 3. We are on a schedule here my darling…”

Simon shook his head as he reached out, his fingers dancing across the waist of your jeans. “She probably hates him just about as much as you right now…” His voice was barely more than a whisper as he leaned in. “I bet she would do anything to be with D again…” You regretted the fact that both Simon and Negan now knew about your past with Sherry and Dwight to some level, though you were all but certain that they didn’t know the extent of the history there.

Dwight was your brother’s best friend and your cousin on your mother’s side. He was the only blood relative you had left on this earth besides Deacon. It was a fact that you both hoped to keep secret from Negan and even Simon. Sherry had been your best friend for as long as you could remember, you grew up next door to each other. You were the one to introduce the two of them back in high school.  They weren’t just old friends like Simon and Negan were being carefully led to think, they were your family.

“I was mad when I said that shit Simon..” You say firmly pushing Simon’s hands away from your waist as you take a step back. “I am still really mad at him but we can not actively work to destroy the father of my child and your best friend and be all happy sunshine to his face… that makes us sociopaths Simon..” You were trying to convince yourself even more than Simon. There was a small part of you that really wished to see Negan suffer for all the emotional pain that he willing caused you. Simon was obviously willing to be an instrument of that downfall but Negan was still Deacon’s father. All the bad blood between you aside, Negan loved his son and because he did there was this tiny little part of you that maybe still felt something towards him, enough to see him kept alive for the time being.

Simon shook his head. “No, that makes us fucking pragmatic my love…” His tone was equally as firm as you yours but his voice smoother, calmer as he leaned in and places a tender kiss on your lips. His hands move to cup your cheeks as he pulled back. “and I am not going to do anything till you say something or he hurts you again but let it be known, I am fucking done darling, I am.” You gave him a half hearted smile as he spoke softly, yet with great emotion and conviction behind his words. “No one makes my girl cry… no one.”

Each time he called you ‘my girl’ there was part of you that almost wanted to cringe. It wasn’t that you didn’t have feelings for Simon, it was that the notion of being looked at as somone’s property reminded you too much of Negan. Leaning in you press your lips to his as your arms slipped around his neck. “I am big girl Simon… I can handle myself.” You reassured him.

Simon smirked, that cheeky little grin that never failed to make you momentarily forget whatever little thing he had done to upset you. As your gaze softened Simon’s smirk grew wider. “I know sweetheart, but I am allowed to want to protect you…” His words were so sincere that you couldn’t help the warm smile that played on your lips as he spoke. You just stared at him for a beat before shaking your head and taking a few steps away from him. His fingers trailing across your hips as you moved out of his reach, making your way towards Deacon.

_It’s nice that someone wants actually wants to protect me._ You muse silently as you glance over your shoulder back at Simon for a brief moment before turning back your attention back to Deacon. “Bubba… are you ready sweetheart?” You asked softly beckon Deacon towards you. Simon makes his ways towards the door, his eyes ever fixed on you. Simon kept closer tabs on you than Negan ever did. There was little you could do without him knowing. While it seemed well intentioned enough, it was unnerving at times. As you and Deacon walked towards Simon you shot him a hard glare slipped past him and out the door as he opened it.

Simon looked shocked by the exchange, “What did I do?” He asked sounding confused and fairly defensive as he moved beside you his hand resting on the small of your back.

You sigh softly and just shake your head. “Nothing, forget it.” You say quickly as you started to head towards the stairwell. Simon didn’t looked convinced that it was nothing but was smart enough not to press the issue in front of Deacon. Both him and Negan had been on their better behavior, _not their best, never their best behavior,_ you would always note when the thought would cross your mind. They were back to being friends, they were not as close as they once were but Negan still relied on Simon now more than ever as has right-hand. They had plenty of other issues besides the personal ones to deal with, the least of which was the group they were hopefully turn tomorrow.

As you started to go down the floors you happened to run into Sherry who was trying to sneak a few drags of a cigarette before heading down to the kitchen to meet you. As soon as she heard Deacon call her name she quickly stamped out her cigarette and turned to great your son. “There is my favorite boy in this whole wide world!” Sherry greeted him dramatically and Deacon squealed with delight as leapt into her outstretched arms. She planted several loving kisses on his chubby cheeks as held him close. Sherry loved Deacon like he was her own child, it never bothered you because it would have been that regardless if the world had ended and if Deacon had been your long dead boyfriend Jason’s son and not Negan’s. She was more than your friend, she had been your family since you were 8 years old and you made that stupid blood pack to always protect each other, no matter what. Sherry had seen the darkest sides of your life and weathered the worst of the worst by your side. There were few people in this world you trusted as much as Sherry.

As she set Deacon down on the stairs she turned to greet your warmly. “Well it’s not the kitchens… but it works right?” She said with a chuckle as she wrapped her arms around you tightly before whispering in your ear. “We need to ditch Simon at some point… I have to talk to you without him in ear shot.” Her words sounded urgent, almost desperate and it made your chest grow tight with fear.

“That’s not easy.” You whisper back as you lean back. Sherry shrugs and gives you a pleading look before she quickly changes her whole expression. Her lips twist into a slightly forced smile as she peaks around you and waves at Simon. “Hey Simon…” She says quickly with a sickly sweet tone that you knew she only used when she really disliked someone and needed to be civil. It was the same tone she often used when she was around Negan so Simon thought nothing of it.

You glanced back to see Simon wave back to Sherry as he started to descend the stairs. “Sherry, always lovely to see you.” He gestured to the fairly modest black sleeveless dress she was wearing. “Looking lovely as always..” Simon said in a condescending tone that earn another glare from you. He knew, full well, that you disliked the fact that Negan wouldn’t allow Sherry to wear just normal clothes when she was spending time with Deacon and he should have just kept his mouth shut about how he looked. His eyes narrowed in on you as you lips pursed and you tilted your head slightly. “You’re not jealous babygirl..” Simon teased.

Sherry reached out and touched your arm trying to silently urge you to let it go and as much as you didn’t want to you did. You did nothing more than sigh heavily as you and Sherry locked arms and started to descend the stairs together. Sherry leaned in and rested her head on your shoulder. “Why are you with him again?” She asked with a little chuckle to make it seem like her question was not as serious as it actually was. You roll your eyes and shake your head as Sherry lifts her head from your shoulder. Peering back at Simon who was hanging back a few paces looking not amused by Sherry’s hushed question.

The walk down to the kitchens was much shorter than anyone anticipated and the whole actual process of getting the ice cream was far less thrilling than you had expected as well. Sherry made the suggestion that the group of you should head outside and enjoy the nice spring weather, though you knew it was not just the nice weather she wanted to enjoy. Dwight was on the wall of death worker detail, it was not one of the more glamorous jobs of the Sanctuary. It did however afford a rare opportunity for your cousin and his former wife to see eachother.

Simon spotted Dwight as soon as he made his way through the door and after 20 solid minutes of being in the company of you and Sherry he felt the need for some testosterone fueled conversation. “You girls go… talk…” The way Simon had said the word talk lead you to believe that he had least had a clue that whatever was going to be discussed in his absence was not just idle chatter. He gave you and Sherry a kind smile before heading over in Dwight’s direction.

As much as Simon didn’t want to admit it you were still very much a mystery to him. You never spoke of your life before the Sanctuary and the only people he knew you had any sort of connection to was Sherry, Dwight and Mama Mary. Simon was smart enough to know that Sherry wasn’t going to say more than the words ‘fuck off’ to him if he asked any pointed questions about your past. He expected a similar, all be it more polite, answer from your adopted mother. That left Dwight, he was friendly enough with him and now was the perfect opportunity to deepen that relationship and hopefully gain a little more insight into the woman he found himself falling deeply in love with.

As he approached Dwight, he noticed the younger man quickly went from a relaxed stance, leaning over the handle bars of motorcycle he was resting on sitting straight up as Simon approached. “How goes it D?” Simon asked in a overly friendly tone of voice. Dwight tried to hide his instant suspicion of Simon’s intentions but Simon had spent enough time playing poker in his youth to know when someone was trying to put on a their poker face.

Dwight cleared his throat as he reached into his pocket to pull out a pack of stale cigarettes. “Simon…” Dwight’s voice had an edge to it as he pulled a single cigarette out of the pack before closing it and tucking it back in his shirt pocket. “It goes...” He continued as he placed the cigarette between his lips and lit it. As he took a long drag he glanced over towards where you and Sherry were deep in the midst of your own conversation while eating ice cream and trying to keep Deacon from running off. “Having a nice day with the girls and the little guy?” There was so much bitterness in Dwight’s voice as he spoke, hiding none of the jealously that he felt from Simon’s free access to three of the people he loved the most in this world.

 “ _The Girls…_ ” Simon’s voice was filled with amusement at Dwight’s little slip into an old habit. “I guess they kinda were ‘the girls’ in your life for quite a long time, eh.” Simon was more casual than Dwight had ever seen him be, it was a side of him the Dwight never expected to see either.

Dwight chuckled as he flicked his ash from his cigarette and glanced over at the two women who in fact were at the core of Dwight’s life for as long as he could remember. “I guess you could say that…” Dwight admitted softly in a moment of slight weakness. He wanted to go over and be with you, Sherry and Deacon so badly. He missed his old life, not even the life before all this… his life back when things were simple and he was just working for points.

Simon noticed Dwight starting to get lost in his thoughts and he cleared his throat once more. “So… what’s the history there… between Sherry and (y/n)?” His words were simple, the most honest question that Dwight had ever head uttered from Simon’s lips.

Dwight let out a little sigh, he knew he was going to have to say something. It had to be close enough to the truth that if Simon ever asked you or Sherry about it that you wouldn’t question the story he was about to tell. As he took another long drag from his cigarette he sunk back down on the bike as his gaze shifted to Simon. “They’re best friends, for as long as I can remember they always went everywhere together. Did damn near everything together. They lived next door to each other.” Dwight smiled thinking back to the happy times before all this. Things were far from easy then but at least everyone he cared about was still alive. Still together. “(y/n) didn’t have the best home life growing up..”

Simon shot Dwight a sharp questioning glance. “How do you know that?” Simon asked sharply.

Dwight put his hand up, urging Simon to stop before he made assumptions that could have very well been closer to the truth than what he was about to say. “I was real good friends with her brother, Colin. I spent a lot of time in that house, more than anyone should have… even (y/n) and her brother. Sherry’s mom saw it wasn’t a great place for a kid, especially a little girl… so almost every weekend and almost the whole summer (y/n) was at Sherry’s house, she even had bunk beds not so Tina could sleep in her room but (y/n). It was probably what saved her growing up. My mom and dad took Colin just as often as Sherry’s parents took (y/n).”

Simon gave a slow nod as he processed the information that Dwight was sharing with a great deal of honesty and openness that surprised Simon at first. “So why didn’t anyone call like, social services or something if things were that bad?” There was actually a great deal of concern behind Simon’s words as he spoke taking a step towards Dwight.

Dwight shook his head as he tossed his cigarette to the ground and stopped it out with a swift twist of the toe of his boot. “That’s not what you did where we lived. You handled things in the community… you didn’t get the fucking government involved that’s for damn sure.”  Simon gave a disheartened huff and crossed his arms. “Our families were all close, everyone was… it was a small town.” Simon’s cocked an eye brow as he contemplated Dwight’s words and gave a wobbly nod as Dwight continued. “So yeah. I guess they are close. I mean to be quite honest, I was with Sherry for more than ten year and I’ve known her pretty well since High School… but I don’t know shit about her compared to (y/n) and I have known her even longer than Sherry and it’s the same damn thing.”

Simon chuckled, he knew how that type of relationship worked. _They are more sisters than friends… that makes since._ Simon concluded silently as he gave a nod. That conclusion led to a whole host of questions that he wanted to ask. However he settled on a single pointed question. “Why didn’t she go with you when you guys tried to run off?” Simon asked in a hushed tone.

Dwight sighed. “She wanted to go. She begged to come with and I wanted to take her and Deacon with us. That’s the fucking truth.” Dwight’s lips pursed together as he recalled how it was Mama Mary that had talked Sherry and Tina into make you stay because of the risk to Deacon. “But out there… Deacon… “ Dwight paused, his eyes darting over to where you and Sherry were standing having a rather heated conversation. Deacon standing between the two of you, ice cream covering his face, and Dwight was reminded why you and your little boy stayed. “That kid wouldn’t last a day. We didn’t last more than a few days before we had to come back and Tina died. If (y/n) and the kid came with, I don’t even want to think what would have happened.”

Simon nodded as he agreed with the choice that Dwight had made. “No, that was a smart move. Kids that are old enough to shoot barely make it, Dekes is tough little man but I am glad he has never been outside those gates and I hope that it stays that fucking way for quite a long time if I can be honest with you D.” Simon knew firsthand how hard that world out there was with a kid and knew the harsh reality of the fact that small children were often the first to go.

Dwight gave a quick nod. “Oh I doubt (y/n) is ever gonna get away now… not with the kid.” He muttered softly and Simon shifted his weight as he gave another reluctant, wobbly nod. Dwight chewed on his bottom lip as his eyes focused on Sherry. He missed her, he could never speak the words but Simon could see the look of longing that spread across Dwight’s face as he leaned over the handle bars.

Simon reached out an placed a strong hand on Dwight’s shoulder. “One day, things are going to be different.” There was something ominous to the way that Simon spoke those words but Dwight just gave a silent nod as he looked up at Simon. “I remember how (y/n) reacted to the whole Sherry marrying Negan and you getting the iron.” Simon noted and Dwight shrugged.

It was the one time in the last two years that you had forgotten about keeping a low profile and you made a massive scene trying to get into the infirmary to see Dwight. “Well, (y/n), knew what Sherry was walking into. More than most and she was pissed, I am sure, and she had herself convinced that Sherry was making the same mistake that she did… but honestly if it came down to it. I bet she would have done the same fucking thing to save someone she loved.” Dwight ran his hands through his greasy, messy hair as he recalled the events of the night that he took the iron and he lost his wife. “Did you hear about how she punched Carson? Like straight jacked him in the jaw…” Dwight said with a slightly amused chuckle and Simon shook his head. “Oh shit man.. it was something. Even half out of it I just remember him trying to tell her to come back in a few hours and she just wailed on him. Just fucking wailed. It was like she had lost all reason and logic. He is smug asshole who needed his ass kicked, but I wished I had actually been fully conscious to see it” He sounded a little amused recalling what vague memories he had of that night.  

Dwight swung his legs over the bike and turned to face Simon as he continued. “She saw the whole thing… Mary had Deacon but (y/n) stood and watched everything.” Dwight leaned forward and rested his elbow on his knees as his eyes focused on the ground. “When they put the iron to my face I don’t remember hearing Sherry scream… but I remember hearing (y/n) scream.” Dwight kicked his boot against the ground before raising his gaze up to Simon’s face which was surprisingly full of sympathy.

Simon reached out placed his hand on Dwight’s shoulder in some vain attempt to comfort the other man. He remembered that day quite vividly himself. He was right, Sherry hadn’t screamed. She stayed stone faced and stoic but you were in hysterics, tried to break through the group of men to get to Dwight and Negan to try and stop the whole thing. It was Simon who had stopped you stopped you from breaking that line. From making a mistake that could have cost you your life that night with the mood that Negan was in. “You would have thought that she was your wife… not Sherry.” Simon muttered with an air of jealousy in her voice that was anything but subtle and Dwight gave a halfhearted shrug. Simon was far from wrong in that instance. Dwight knew why Sherry had behaved the way she had, she had to keep it together to prove to Negan that she was sincere in off to marry him. It was almost as though all the rage that Sherry felt, you had displayed.

Dwight could never quite wrap his head around why but he liked to think you lost it that night less out of loyalty to Sherry and more because he was your family. He loved you like a younger sister and you loved him almost as much as you had once loved your brother. “Her brother was my best friend, in a lot of ways I am all she has left of Colin. When he was killed...” Simon looked confused at Dwight’s words and Dwight gave a nod realizing that Simon didn’t know. “Colin died before all this…” Dwight motioned his hand to indicate the change in the world. “He had a temper, a fucking bad temper… it’s the curse of that whole family.” _Myself included_ Dwight noted and Simon gave a little huff of a laugh and nodded his head. “He made some enemies of some powerful people in the area… he borrowed money or something, we never found out the truth. But they wanted him dead. About a year before all this happened the girls and a few of our mutual friends come back from going to beach and Colin was bleeding out, gut shot, on the porch of their parents’ house where they were living.”  

As Dwight shared the rarely told tale a look of pure horror spread across Simon’s face. He could not fathom what that had been like for you. To come home after what he could only assume was a fun day with friends to such a horror. He was starting to realize what happened that night those few short years ago wasn’t the first time you had suffered deeply. Simon took a step back in shock as his eyes narrowed in Dwight. “Shit…” He cursed as he brought his hand to his mouth at a rare loss for words. Dwight gave him a stern and solemn nod as Simon’s hand slipped away from his mouth and ran through his hair. “That… is just fucked.” He exclaimed.

Dwight couldn’t help but agree with the conclusion. “Yeah… he was gone before the ambulance came. Nothing about her was the same again after Colin died. She started working down at that strip club to try and get close to the assholes she thought killed him.” Dwight knew he shouldn’t be sharing with this with Simon but there was a part of him felt that Simon needed to know at least some of the truth of your past. “She was going to kill them, (y/n), who used to call me screaming any time she saw a snake in her back yard. Thought she would get close and shoot the guy or something… but the fucking world ended before she had a chance.” Dwight shook his head before he continued. “I promised Colin as he was dying that I would keep (y/n) safe, keep her from doing anything stupid… but that was so much easier said than done.” Dwight noted.

Simon gave a firm nod. “She is stubborn girl…”

Dwight chuckled and shook his head. “You have no idea.” Dwight thought back to you as a child and how you were possibly the most willful child he had ever met. You never took ‘no’ for answer and at times even as small as you were you were lone voice of reason in your house. “She has been through a lot in her life Simon…” Dwight eyes narrowed on Simon’s face as he spoke.

Simon took a long breath as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave a solemn nod. “I know.”

Dwight shook his head as he stood from the motorcycle and glanced over his shoulder at you and Sherry for a brief moment before turning back to Simon. “No you don’t… You have no idea, I have known her the whole of her life Simon and even I don’t know everything. The only person who probably does besides (y/n) is Sherry and to be quite honest I am even doubtful that she knows everything but she knows the most without a doubt. That’s how close they are alright and all this shit with Negan…” Dwight leaned as he continued you, his voice barely more than a whisper as his eyes darted around to make sure that no one else was in ear shot. “This fucking bull shit with Negan being a part of Deacon’s life is gonna break her. She kept that baby away from him for a good reason. Negan does nothing but twist her up, even when she wasn’t with him just seeing him would make her question every choice she made for both her and that kid constantly. It would take weeks to get her head back on straight. It’s not like we have therapist that specialize in this shit any more.” Dwight’s voice was filled with pent up rage as he spoke candidly about Negan to a man he wasn’t quite sure he should trust but he was in deep enough with you now that Dwight felt that Simon needed to understand the gravity of certain situations he was getting involved in. “I get you are with her now and while I don’t fucking get it, at all, it’s alright I guess… you are keeping Negan from twisting her up again.”

Simon shook his head. “Not as well as I would like, Negan has done plenty of new damage already, trust me.” His voice was low and Dwight couldn’t help but let out a heavy sigh. “I am trying to come up with a way to permanently solve this Negan problem…”

Dwight’s eyes grew wide with shock as he began to shake his head taking a step back from Simon. “Don’t tell me…” Dwight cautioned and Simon shrugged. The younger man shook his head once more as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to know any more Simon because if I think you are implying what you probably are… that’s one hell of a death wish.”

Simon smirked, an unnerving and sinister smirk that make Dwight’s skin crawl as he leaned in. “The only person who will die is Negan…” Dwight shook his head knowing that in all likelihood whatever devious plan Simon was concocting it would not end well and the only people who would end up getting truly hurt was you and Deacon.

“Whatever it is Simon, don’t do it.” Dwight cautioned as he reached out and cautiously touched Simon’s arm trying to bring home the point that he should not move forward with his plans. “Trust me, trying to go against Negan will not end well. You want (y/n) and Deacon to stay safe, and from your actions so far… I know that’s what you want.” Simon gave Dwight a nod as he continued. “Then if you want her to stay at least the person she is now, forget all about this vendetta against Negan… she can’t take anyone else she cares about getting hurt.” As Dwight’s hand slipped away from Simon’s arm his eyes cast to the ground as he sighed heavily. “Every time someone she loves get hurts part of her dies. When her mom got sick and she had to watch her waste away to nothing… she was destroyed. When Colin was killed she almost went a suicide mission. When that fucking shit happened that night… she ran off and married Negan because she thought that was the only way she could repay him and look how that ended. She got into a fucking fist fight with a doctor because he wouldn’t let her into see me…zero fucks given to the fact that I needed him to treat me. I love her dearly, but that girl ain’t right in the head… not any more. ” Dwight ran his hands through his hair as he tossed his head back and let out a bit of groan. “Sooner or later something is going to happen ad she is gonna just break and there ain’t going to be no bringing her back from it this time. She will end up just wanting to watch the whole fucking world burn down and to be quite honest I know Sherry will be there by her side with the fucking matches.”

Simon chuckled darkly and Dwight shook his head. “You think I am fucking kidding Simon but listen… she obviously cares about you… and weather (y/n) will ever say it out loud I know she still cares about Negan if for no other reason than he is Deacon’s father. She has barely held on the last few months, if something happens now… it’s going to just push her over that edge Simon. Do you want to be the one that causes her to lose her fucking mind?” Dwight’s eyes narrowed in on Simon’s face trying to read the man’s normally expressive face. There was nothing, no worry, no fear, no concern. After a barely noticeable moment that sinister grin returned to his lips as Simon shook his head.

“I don’t think you give her enough credit man. (y/n) is one tough woman.” Simon emphasized the fact that you were tough more as a reminder to himself more than one for Dwight. Simon hooked his thumbs into the belt loop of his cargo pants as he glance over at Dwight taking a rather defensive stance. “She has been through hell… she fucking hates him. In the end, _whatever_  I do she will thank me for it. ”

Dwight scoffed and shook his head. “That just proves how much you don’t know about (y/n), because one thing I do know about her… she has to love you, to hate you…  so if she hates him like you say she does, she still loves him too. On some level.” Dwight glanced back towards the workers he had been ignoring to find that they were managing not to die, which was all that Dwight had to assure. He kicked the ground once more as the corners of his mouth turned downward. “I am not the type of man to tell other men how to live their lives, I am not a fucking leader… but I know those two women…” Dwight said gesturing towards you and Sherry who now were further away, standing close to the fence with your backs facing the men. Deacon was taunting a walker barely an arm’s length away from Sherry. “Those girls will do anything to protect the men they love.”

“She loves me..” Simon snapped quickly and Dwight raised a questioning eyebrow at the quick and defensive response.

There was part of Dwight that wanted to push the issue, _Does she really love you? Or does she just not want to be with him… and you are just there to fill that hole in her heart that he left?_ Dwight stopped himself from uttering the words he knew would make Simon question everything but you wouldn’t want him to play that card. Not yet. Instead he smirked his own slightly devious smirk and nodded. “That’s why you need to worry..” Dwight’s voice was cold and smooth as ice as he spoke and Simon just stared at him with a cold dark glare. “You see my face, do you think I did all that shit… took the fucking iron because I want to live in the horrible world?” His voice was even and calm and he leaned forward. “I took it… I stayed because that woman loves me… she lives in her own personal hell each and every day because she thinks my life is actually worth something.” Dwight drew in a long deep breath as he took a few steps back and sat back down on the motorcycle. “The biggest reason I think Sherry and (y/n) have been friends as long as they have is because they both care too damn much about everyone around them. It’s what I feel in love with about Sherry…”

Simon cut Dwight off, “It’s what I love about (y/n).” There was truth in Simon’s words, Dwight could tell from the way that Simon’s eyes seemed to have life behind them as his smirk became shyer and less sinister as he spoke.

Dwight knew that feeling and let out a misplaced chuckle as he leaned back and rested his arm on the handle bars of the bike. “Well if all this…” He said gesturing to the large burn on his face. “Has taught me anything… is that love makes men make stupid decisions. Ones that put guys like you and me… who are stupid enough to fall in love with these beautiful disasters of women… in all sorts of fucking bad situations where we are either going to end up dead or wishing we were.” There was so much truth in Dwight’s words that they sent a shiver down Simon’s spine as he glanced back over to where you and Sherry were still deep in conversation. He wondered, what on earth were the two of your talking about.


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of the chat between our reader and Sherry, Deacon gives his mother a scare and Negan and our Reader have a moment where mixed feelings leave one of them with hopes of a future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know… it’s been 87 years and I am sorry. For those who may not know I have been having some rather serious health issues since May, I have had 2 rather serious surgeries among other things. I am doing much better now and I am writing again. Yes I have written other things between my last update and now but this story takes a certain headspace that I have to be in to write it. To be quite honest I haven’t been able to get myself in that frame of mind to write this… but I am gonna give it a whirl. I apologize if this chapter is shorter or not of the same quality as previous ones but I hope that will change as I push forward on this story because I love this story very much and I appreciate all the lovely comments and each and every kudos on AO3 and like on Tumblr. I can’t express how much the comments and such really helped get me back motivated to work on this, so please if you enjoy this story and are inclined leave me a comment. I do my best to get back to each one, even if it’s just a thank you <3

When Simon had parted ways with you and Sherry she wasted little time getting into the thick of things. Her hand gripped your arm tightly, almost to the point that it hurt, as she pulled you away from the direction that you had honestly expected her to want to move towards. Deacon was already racing off, on a euphoric high thanks to the ice cream he was trying to eat like a savage little monster. His face coated in pale pink from the strawberries . You wanted to call after him but Sherry started rambling. “Things are starting to get really fucking complicated with the wives.” Her voice had this air of frantic fear as she spoke, her hand still gripping your arm tightly.

As you tried not to think too long or too hard on what that meant you glanced over your shoulder and watched nervously as Dwight and Simon started to have their weighted conversation. “Things are always fucking complicated with the wives Sherry… that’s what happens when you blackmail women into marrying you.” You snap as you manage to pray Sherry’s tight grip from your arm as your eyes search the area for Deacon. _He is getting too close to fence._ Your heart raced for a moment. “Deacon! Get away from that fence right now… come over here…” You command as you point to the spot between where you and Sherry were standing.

As Sherry was about to answer, Deacon started to reluctantly waddle back towards you taking just a brief pause to look at the boys. As if he was contemplating where would truly be his better option to go towards at this point. “Deacon!” Sherry shouted in a very mother’s tone, “Move it young man! You best start listing to your mama!” She scolded sternly as she clapped her hands to get Deacon’s attention. The little boy scurried over to you and a frantic pace, he nearly lost the mound of ice cream that was quickly melting all over the cone held between his tiny hands. Sherry turned back to you once Deacon was safely between the two of you before she finally was able to continue. “Amber and Frankie have it in their heads that the only way things are going to change is if Negan dies…” Sherry said in a hushed tone as she reached down and covered Deacon’s ears so he wouldn’t fully comprehend what was being said.

Your face is painted in a look of disbelief as you push he hands away from your son’s head and you tut softly. “Amber has been saying that since I was married to him… she never does anything about it.” Deacon peers around you as you and Sherry continue, eyeing Simon and Dwight across the yard. “and if you think they are actually serious why are telling me? Wouldn’t you tell the fucking big bad bossman?” You raise a questioning eyebrow as you reach blindly to your side and gentle urge Deacon to bring his attention back towards you and Sherry. “Dekes… you gotta stay here bubs.” You say to your son as your tussle his hair. He let out a little groan before taking a few steps away from you and plopping down on the ground to continue eating his quickly melting sweet treat.

Sherry’s eyes darted over to where the men were standing, very deep in what looked like a rather serious conversation. A nervous sigh escaped her lips as her arm draped over your shoulder pulling you into a side hug, not because she wanted to be affectionate but because she needed no one else to hear what she had to say. “Maybe they are right (y/n),” She said softly and almost instantly you started shaking your head. “Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it?”

You let out a frustrated huff and shrug Sherry’s arm off your shoulder as you take a step towards where Deacon was sitting finishing his ice cream. “Yeah, so… I didn’t do anything about it. It’s one thing to have a fantasy, to say something out of frustration and anger but it is another thing to actually go about planning a man’s murder. Not to mention the one they want to kill is my son’s father, who happens to actually be in his life these days. Do you realize that if anything happened to Negan, Deacon would be devastated.” You said emphatically as you looked at your dearest friend with a great deal of suspicion as you stood before her arms crossed in front of your chest. Standing between her and Deacon.

Sherry scoffed and let out a dark, soft chuckle. “You would be the one to know all about plotting and planning a murder… wouldn’t you.” There was a defensive attitude that Sherry took with you and she said that made your stomach twist and you almost felt sick hearing her take such a tone with you. Though you had in fact gone about, very methodically, a plan to discover who was the trigger man on your brother’s murder and then kill them it never got beyond the planning stages. You had never gone through with your intentions, in part because Sherry convinced you not to.

Something in her was changing, breaking and you could see it. “I didn’t actually do anything Sherry…” Your voice shook a little as the well of shame and guilt for you actions started to bubble up again. You glanced over at Deacon who was noticing the tense tones and heated langue. He scooted away and looked longingly over at Simon and Dwight, his little hazel eyes trying to search for a reason to go against his mother’s wishes and get away from the argument that was taking place.

Sherry paced back and forth, only taking a few steps each time before she would spin around on her heel, eyes glancing over each time at Dwight as your stood in an uncomfortable silence. You knew that she would have never thought of discussing such a thing before all this. Sherry was the calm one, the wise one, the one who talked everyone down from their stupid ideas. After another tense few minutes Sherry stopped pacing and stood facing away from you looking over at Simon and Dwight who were too deep in their own conversation to see the growing tension between you and her.

“I just don’t want this anymore (y/n)” She said mournfully and you couldn’t help but get a pang of sympathy in her chest as she spoke. “He isn’t like physically cruel. He doesn’t hit us or hurt any of us… we know the deal so nothing is forced. But the mind fuckery…” Sherry’s voice cracked as she choked back tears. “It’s the head games. The holding our families over our head… our husbands… the people we actually love.” You took a few steps away from Deacon, taking your attention full away from him as you closed the gap between Sherry and wrapped your arms around her.

As you took a deep breath you reached up and brushed the tears away from her cheeks. “It sucks right?” you said in a very dead pan voice with a half hearted smirk. Sherry let out a slightly uncomfortable laugh of her own as she tossed her head back for a moment before nodded.

“So much!” She exclaimed and you both laughed in your shared misery. You never wanted Sherry to experience the side of Negan that most of the wives knew all too well. While your particular brand of head games ala Negan was not cruel in the same way that Sherry, Amber and on some level Frankie, were experiencing. It was uniquely soul destroying. You saw a rare side of Negan, an almost tender side when he would imagine that you were Lucille. _He really loved that women_ you thought bitterly for a moment before turning your attention back to Sherry.

As your hands slipped away from her face you took a hold of her hands and gazed deeply into her eyes. “Listen, everything works out in the end. That’s what you told me for all those years.” Sherry scoffed softly and shook her head.

“It worked out so well for you.” Her voice was thick with your usual sarcasm. It was an odd feeling for you to be on the receiving end of the sarcastic comments for a change. You chuckle and shook your head. As you were doing so, you caught a glimpse of Deacon wondering off back towards the fence where the dead were chained.

You hardly brought him in the part of the compound because unlike many children, Deacon had no fear of the dead. He found them amusing and even comical. Your heart began to race as you watched him inch closer and closer to the fence with each step. Dropping Sherry’s hands as you spun around on your heal and raced after the toddler who was boldly walking right up to one of the walkers chained to the fence. “Deacon!” you bellow as you raced towards the fence.

Sherry let out a shrill shriek as she too noticed Deacon nearing the walkers. “Bubba!” She called trying to get his attention but Deacon was too enthralled with the snarls of the walker.

As you closed the gap between you and your son, your hand out stretched, reaching desperately towards Deacon. As your fingers wrapped his arm as you scooped him up and pressed him close to your chest. “What have I said? What have I said?” You repeat softly as you kiss the top of his head. Sherry raced up behind you and let out a long sigh of relief as she saw that Deacon was safe.

Having seen the commotion, Dwight and Simon came rushing over. “Is he okay?” managed to ask first even through Simon was about to ask the same thing. Sherry smiled softly nodding towards them as you were still checking over every inch of exposed skin to make sure he was unharmed.

“You are in big trouble Deacon..” You scold softly as you smooth down his dark locks. Deacon pouted, not fully understanding why he was in trouble or the depth of danger that the dead posed. “You are never to go near those things…”

“Grrrr” Deacon mimicked the sound of dead as he pointed towards them. “Funny mama…” He tried to explain. You took a long steady breath trying to calm the urge to yell at your son. He was little and you had kept him so sheltered it was no wonder he found the dead so entertaining.

Before you could even mange to gather your thoughts Simon walked over and leaned in to do his best to explain the situation. “No, buddy..” Simon started as he placed a hand on his little shoulder and pointed towards the fence. “They are bad, mean… they will hurt you and while I know you are a big, tough guy… you still have a lot of growing up to do before you can learn how to be able to be around those things and be safe.” Deacon’s dark eyes focused intently on Simon as he spoke. You were grateful for him stepping in. There was nothing that you could have come up with so quickly that would have gotten through to Deacon as much as what Simon has said.

Deacon lifted his chubby, little hand and pointed towards the fence trying to understand. “Bad?” he asked first looking to you, then over to Sherry who was standing just behind you. His eyes darted over to Dwight who nodded and finally he looked at Simon. “Grrr bad?” He asked again.

“Yes baby…” You answer quickly before the other began to echo the same thing. Deacon seemed to grasp the concept though you wondered how much he really understood. You glanced over your shoulder for a moment and caught a glimpse of a brief look between your old friends and there was a twinge of pain deep within your chest. _Everything about this world is backwards and wrong._ Your mind reminds you before you glance back over at Simon who was also eyeing Dwight and Sherry. “I should get him to Negan…” You mentioned softly to Simon as you shifted Deacon in your arms.

“I’ll come with.” Simon suggests but you shake your head quickly knowing all too well the otherwise uneventful exchange would only be made far tenser by Simon’s presence. The one thing you realized that as long as Negan didn’t have to see you with Simon, things between them were relatively calm and almost pleasant.

“You know it’s better if it’s just me, I won’t be long…” You attempt to reassure Simon as you lean in and give him a brief kiss and a soft smile before turn back to Sherry who was talking very softly with Dwight. You give them both a little wave and Sherry blows Deacon a kiss before promising to check on him and daddy a little later. It did make you feel far better about leaving Deacon overnight with Negan knowing that Sherry was likely going to be there for most of it. _There is a small upside._ You muse silently as you walk with Deacon in your arms back into the building.

Once you reached the all too familiar site of Negan’s door you set Deacon down before you reached out and gave a soft knock on the door. A few moments pass before the door creaks open and Negan greets Deacon with a warm smile. “There’s my guy..” He exclaimed as he leaned down and scooped Deacon up.

“Daddy…” Deacon chirped happily as he wrapped his arms around his father’s neck. “Daddy! Grrrr is bad… mama got mad.” The little boy tried explain to his father rather enthusiastically but Negan only gave you a very worried and confused looked.

“Mama, care to translate what our son is trying to say?” Negan asked as he raised a questioning eyebrow as he stepped aside and ushered you into his room.

Reluctantly you obliged him and let out a long, heavy sigh as you started to explain. “I had Deacon outside, he was playing after having a little treat… and he thought that the biters were funny…” You stepped inside, your eyes focused intently on Negan’s face as he looked down at your son with a stern, disapproving look.

“Is that so?” Negan asked the toddler and Deacon looked away from his father obviously pretending that he didn’t hear the question.

“Deacon, your daddy asked you a question.” You remind the young child gently before Deacon looked back at his father and nodded his head. Negan let out a long sigh as he shifted Deacon in his arms.

There was part of you that was very worried that he would take a stern route, or a scare tactic but when he spoke, he shocked you in the best possible way. “First things first young man, you always have to listen to your mama, I know she probably told you to stay close and you didn’t listen. You can’t just go wandering off, there are monsters and bad people out and you have a lot of people to keep them away but you have to stay with the grownups. Those biters are very dangerous, you can’t go anywhere near them… understand me.” Deacon nodded quickly. Negan looked over at you for a brief moment before he returned his focus back to Deacon. “Mama loves you, I love you… we don’t want anything to happen to you.” He gave Deacon a quick kiss on the cheek before setting him down and patting him on the bum. “Go play buddy.”

“Okay Daddy…” Deacon said with a quick nod as he tootled over to his toys letting you and Negan have brief moment.

Negan crossed his arms in front of his chest as he let out a long drawn out sigh. “So is that where Sherry went? With you…” You nod not really wanting to speak to him more than you had to and Negan chuckled softly as his hand reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He so gets the ‘nod of I don’t want to speak to you’ from you.”

“Well, would you like me to list some of the lovely traits our son shares with you?” you retorted with a smirk playing on your lips. You were trying to get a little playful rise out of Negan and it worked like a charm.

He smirked and gestured towards his face. “He got my devilish good looks, my charismatic charm… I mean… all the best parts.” He was teasing you, playing into the opening you left him and you smiled softly trying to stifle a laugh. “What, (y/n), tell me I am wrong.”

With that statement you let out an audible chuckle as you tilted you head back. “Oh you are very wrong.” You laugh as you look back Negan as you smirk. “He has your temper, your flare for the dramatic… has your ability to drive me up a wall with worry…” With your last statement Negan’s expression shifted and softened. He was rather taken a back that you admitted that you worried about him.

His lips parted for a moment as he attempted to find words. “You.. worry… about me?” Negan asked in a low voice.

Your cheeks flush and you give him another little nod which coaxes a soft chuckle from Negan. “I always worried when you went out, even through everything I did care about you for some God forsaken reason.” You pause for a moment and shift your weight on your heals as you decide whether or not you wanted to continue with your confession. You took a long deep breath as you cast your eyes to the floor. “I still worry about you Negan. The more time Deacon spends with you, the bigger part of his life you become the more I worry what will happen to him if something happens to you.” You lifted your gaze just in time to see Negan’s face shift to a grim expression.

He glanced over at Deacon playing happily and let out a sigh before turning back to you with a forced, all be it charming, smile playing on his lips. “Nothing will happen to me darling.” You tried not to smile when he called you ‘darling’ but there was something about the way the word rolled off his lips that took you back to a time when he had a hold over you. “I waited a hell of long time. Go through the end of the fucking world to have that boy… I want to see him grow up.” His words were so sincere that it touched you in a way you didn’t think that Negan could touch you anymore. It stirred something long forgotten with in you.

“I want that too…” You mumble trying hard not to show the old feelings that were bubbling just below the surface, but Negan was nothing if not an observant man. Though he didn’t respond with words, a slightly victorious smirk played on his lips as he gazed at you. His gaze made your cheeks flush slightly, which made his smirk only grow more.

The flush of your cheeks finally pushed him to make note of it. “Ya know, if I didn’t know better I would almost think that you like me…” Negan teased and your cheeks only flushed more as you shook your head. He took a step forward, closing the gap between the two of you as he leaned in asked in a low voice. “Do you still like me?” He asked sheepishly.

You shook your head unable to utter the words because it would have been a lie. Swallowing hard as you look up at Negan and whisper, “I’m with Simon.” Which caused Negan to stifle a laugh.

“I have no fucking clue why.” Negan retorted quickly and sharply. “I am not saying you have to be with me, but you deserve someone far better than that ticking time bomb.” There was a tone of genuine concern in his voice as he spoke. Before there was always something vicious and inflammatory about how he would bring up Simon with you, but this time it was gentler.

You wanted to push back and defend Simon because he was so much more than Negan was giving him credit for but you didn’t want to have a fight when things were going so well. “I am well aware of his history, as I was of yours…” you finally decide to say knowing that it was good way to say your peace with out pushing any buttons.

Negan smirked as he loomed over you. “He is good to the squirt.” You nod and chuckles again. “I am just going to say… you are more than welcome to come back to _Daddy_ ,” Negan said with a devious smirk. ”when you get tired of him… because it’s only a matter of time before he fucks up and so help me if he gets our son or you caught up in his inevitable bull shit. I am gonna kill him.” You scoff slightly and roll your eyes as Negan’s hand reaches out and grips your hip pulling you closer to him.  “Why are you with him? Honest answer, darling.”

It was more that you didn’t want to insight him that you actually answered truthfully when everything in you was telling you to lie through your teeth. “He only wants me… if you would have only wanted me… maybe I would have come back and given you a second chance for Deacon’s sake.” You had more honest conversations with Negan during these exchanges over the last week than you had in time you were one of his wives. Negan took a step back and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he processed what you had said. “I cared about you a lot once upon a time, Negan. But I don’t want to be one of many. I want to be someone’s one and only. I want to be cherished and Simon for all his faults ticks all those boxes… and he is good with Deacon.”

Negan let out a long sigh as he scratched the several days of scruff on his chin. “I am helping those women… I take care of them.”

“You fuck them and pay them with chocolate, booze, and some faint vail of safety. Not a one of them would have actually wanted to be with you if they weren’t desperate.” You snap quickly when he started trying to defend his stable of wives. “I was the closest thing to someone who wanted to be with you because they liked you…” With the old feelings you had for him bubbling to surface the reminders of how deeply he had wounded you stung deeper.

Negan reached out and touched your arm as he spoke. “(y/n), I wish I had gotten over my issues then… maybe I would have shown you what kind of husband I could have been.” You let out a long and heavy sigh as you pushed his hand off your arm.

“Just worry about being a good father.” You gesture towards the door and give a quick, awkward smile. “I should get going, I told Simon I wouldn’t be long…” Negan gave a short nod and you shook your head as you started to walk out of the room and head back out to track down Simon and Dwight.

Once you were out of the room Negan turn to Deacon and smiled at his son who was beaming up at him. “I think Daddy may have more of a foot in the door than we thought my boy… “ He mused victoriously as he flopped down on the couch next to Deacon as he played with his toys at his father’s feet. “We are going to be family, you… me and Mama… one way or another.”


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days later... Negan returns to the Sanctuary after his first encounter with the Survivors from Alexandria and our reader and Negan enjoy a strange slice of "what could have been" because of a little strategic planning on Negan's part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the continued support! I know AO3 only lets you leave one Kudos per story so please feel free to leave even a quick comment. Means the world to me! 
> 
> The next 2-3 chapters will be far more Negan centric, but Simon will be coming back... have no fear. 
> 
> Hope you Enjoy, I am loving getting back into this story.

The morning sun burned in the summer sky as you got Deacon dressed and ready for his day. Negan, Simon, Dwight and the most of the core Saviors were still out trying to handle the situation with the new group causing problems. They had been out for more than a day at this point. Negan had dropped Deacon off early the morning before, still in his pajamas and wrapped in blanket from Negan’s bed, before gathering Simon and heading out to settle things once and for all. Or so he had planned.

During the course of the last 24 hours you did your best to keep yourself busy. Deacon helped with that but also he would unintentionally reminded you that Negan, Simon and Dwight were all out risking their necks when he would ask where one of them was. The three men were such fixtures in the young boy’s life that even one day of absence was felt. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you found yourself consumed with worry. Worry for Simon, because there was something there and the thought of him being hurt or worse killed. The notion of such a thing happening made your stomach twist into knots. Dwight was family, he was your only real family left besides Deacon and he had suffered so much already. The person you worried for the most surprised you, Negan.

He was the leader, the one that no matter what always had the biggest target on his back. All through the night you tossed and turned alone in your bed. Getting up several times just to peer in on Deacon in some vain attempt to calm your nerves but it didn’t help. You could only think about how everything you change if Negan was gone. How heartbroken Deacon would be that his father was killed and how there would be a hole in your heart left by Negan if he died. You never expected to be so worried about Negan’s safety that you would lose sleep over it or how much him being in a dangerous situation would cause a flood of emotions for him to wash over you and consume you.

Once Deacon was dressed you gathered a few toys for him to play with and placed them in a small child’s sized backpack before you slung it over your shoulder. “Come bubby… we are gonna go see Auntie Sherry.” You tried your best to not sound worried about the boys but Deacon could see the worry behind your bright smile. His little hand reached out and clasped yours before he smiled brightly up at you. It was his little smirk that was his father’s smirk and the look of hope in his big hazel eyes that gave you the strength you didn’t know you needed in that moment.

“Otay mama…” The toddler cooed before following you hand in hand out of your room. The walk to Sherry’s room was short. Just down one flight of stairs and round a corner. You instructed Deacon to knock on the door, which he did happily. Once Sherry opened the door she was greeted with the biggest smile from Deacon. “Auntie!” He exclaimed as he let go of your hand and wrapped his arms around Sherry’s leg.

“Hey baby boy..” she reached down and tussled Deacons hair before picking him up and showering his chubby little cheeks with kisses. Deacon squealed with delight and the sounds of his laughter calmed your nerves for a moment. Sherry looked up at you and smiled softly. “Any word about the guys?”

You shook your head as you walked into the room. “No, I haven’t really asked around much.” You admit softly as you set Deacon’s bag down on the floor and unzip it. Sherry leaned down and set Deacon on the floor, giving his bum a quick little pat silently instructing him to go play.

Sherry crossed her arms in front of her chest as she let out a long and heavy sigh. “They have been out a lot longer than anyone was expecting them to be.” You nod silently. Simon had said they would only be a few hours, Negan had reiterated the same thing before leaving. They had a plan and it sounded fairly flawless. Then again, you knew little about tactics of war so how were you to know if any plan was even half way decent. “Do you think something happened?” Sherry asked softly.

You shrugged as you ran your hands nervously through your hair. “I mean, biters… other people… anything can happen.” You try to brush your fears off as nothing more than the usual but Sherry knew you better than most and could see the genuine worry behind the steady mask you were trying to maintain.

Sherry reached out and squeezed your forearm trying to silently reassure you as she smiled softly. “Want some tea? I just made a pot.” She asked trying to change the subject and distract you both. You nodded and joined her at her small table. You didn’t really talk about much of anything, mostly you both just watched Deacon and commented about how much he was starting to look like Negan.

Nearly an hour passed when there was a knock on the door. Sherry stood up slowly and didn’t rush to the door because she wasn’t expecting anyone important. As she cracked the door you could see it was Amber and she looked frantic. You couldn’t quite make out what she was saying to Sherry but your old friend nodded as she closed the door before turning around. “They are back…” Sherry said softly almost sounding slightly disappointed.

You hop up out of the chair far faster than you expected yourself too and started to make your way towards the door. “Watch Deacon. I am gonna go find out what happened.” Sherry nodded and you kissed your son before quickly making your way out of the room following the commotion till you pushed your way out side where Negan stood leaning up against a truck giving what you could only assume were orders to Dwight. Your eyes searched among the group for Simon but he was nowhere to be found. Pushing your way past several men and having reminding some of the lesser soldiers that you were the mother of Negan’s child just to be able to get close enough to talk to him and find out what happened to Simon.

“Negan…” You called out and the lanky older man stopped mid sentence and took a few steps to meet you on your path towards him. “Where’s Simon? Did something happen to him? Is he okay?” You asked franticly and Negan couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey, hey, take a breath mama… he is fine sweetheart, he needed to take care of some business at an outpost for me. He is going to be gone a few days but he is fine.” Negan reassured quickly as he reached out and patted your cheek with a little smirk playing on his lips as you let out a long sigh of relief. “Where’s the squirt?” He asked almost expecting Deacon to be at your side.

“Sherry has him…” You mutter as you glace over at Dwight and give him a little wave with your fingers subtlety. He smirks back at you before letting Negan know he was going to head inside to get some rest before his next shift, leaving you and Negan somewhat alone. “I’m sure you are exhausted…” You mention to Negan trying to think of a polite way to excuse yourself but Negan had other plans.

It wasn’t just sheer coincidence that he had sent Simon to attend to some business at this particular point. Negan remembered that you had admitted that you worried about him when he was out, and he intended to capitalize on those feelings with a rare moment that Simon wasn’t at your side. “I can sleep when I am dead… I would much rather spend some time with you and Deacon…” Negan’s tone was soft and there was something about the look that he gave you as he leaned in and smirked softly. “Come on, (y/n), can we play happy family for one day?”

There was a small part of you that wanted to say no, but he looked like he had rough go with the mission. So as you nodded as you let out a little sigh. “Alright.” Negan smiled brightly at your answer and took a quick step back. “Let me go get Deacon from Sherry..”

“Well lets go get our boy..” Negan suggested, causing you to tut quickly as you shook your head and pointed to his blood stained clothes. “What?” He questioned.

You let out a low chuckle as you shook your head in disbelief that he didn’t notice the blood. “Listen, I know one day we are going to have to tell Deacon all about what you have done… but Negan, today is not that fucking day.”  He finally looked down at his shirt and jacket and rolled his eyes. “Deacon is barely two years old… he already thinks the biters are funny. The last thing we need him to do is chase the chickens around with a baseball bat because he wants to be like his daddy..” While you very serious in your overall concern over how much violence and horror your son was exposed to. Negan just laughed. He laughed so hard he slapped his thigh as he doubled over.

“Oh that’s beautiful.” He laughed as he stood back up and smirked over at you. “It would be fucking adorable,” You shot him a dark, angry glance and Negan just laughed harder. “Oh, darling… come on… he’s my boy.” He spread his arms out and gestured as if he was some magnificent creature.

You stifle your laugh as you were still annoyed by his dismissal of your very valid concerns, but he was being rather charming. _Dangerously charming…_ You silently warned yourself as you took a step forward and tried to find a blood splatter free spot on his jacket. It was hard but you ended up patting his shoulder as you smirked deviously. “Change or you spend the day alone. Those are your options…”

Negan chuckled darkly as he nodded. “I like this bossy mama thing you got going on… it works..” he teased. Instantly you rolled your eyes as shook your head. As you took a step back Negan reached out and clasped your forearm causing you to fix your gaze on him. “You go get our boy… I will go change.” All the bravado fell away and you saw a brief glimpse of a man hardly anyone ever saw. The real Negan. _The Negan, Lucille married…_

You smiled warmly up at him and if it was a different moment in time you would have leaned up and kissed his cheek but you stopped yourself. “Thank you.” He gives you a little nod and gestures towards the building.

“I will meet you in my room.” Negan instructed and you agreed before quickly making your way back to Sherry’s room to collect Deacon.

Deacon was thrilled when you explained you both would be spending the day with his father. He surprisingly enough didn’t ask where Simon was as you had expected. _Maybe Negan is pulling ahead in winning Deaks over._ You mused as you knocked on Negan’s door. He didn’t bother to come open it only call out “Come in…” figuring it was you two.

As you pushed the door open you caught a glimpse of shirtless Negan as he pulled a clean white shirt on and you stopped in your tracks. Negan was nothing if not attractive in a rough around the edges sort of way. The way you liked your men and though it had been several years since you had seen him, he looked just as good as he did when you were one of his brides. You were in a slight daze, lost in old memories when Negan greeted your son. “My buddy…” Negan’s voice jarred you from your thoughts, the sound of Deacon’s shoes echoing on the cold grey floors as he raced into his father’s arm drawing your gaze towards Negan. “Did you miss me? I missed you.” Negan asked softly as he picked Deacon up and bounced him in his arms.

Deacon babbled about how he missed his daddy and rested his head on Negan’s shoulder. You turned around and closed the door behind you and set Deacon’s bag next to the door. “Much better.” You note in reference to his clothes.

Negan smirks as Deacon continues to babble. “I think you were right.” He admitted just loud enough for you to barely hear him over your son’s chatter.

You chuckle softly as you walk over to him and take Deacon from his arms and set him down on the floor. “Go play for a minute bubba…” You ask softly before looking back up at Negan with a smirk playing on your lips. “Excuse me… what did you say before? I could barely hear you.” There was a sharp tone of arrogance in your voice asked your questions.

Negan chuckled and took your hands in his for a moment as he spoke. “I said you were right… as you seem to generally be in my experience.” Negan mumbled the last bit but you could make it out. He was really working at something or something happened on the mission that knocked something loose in him. You didn’t want to read too much into it, but there was part of you inside that was screaming with joy that you had gotten Negan of all people to admit you were right.

He let go of your hands and draped and arm over your shoulder as you both stood and watched Deacon play happily. You nearly shrugged his arm off you but you knew it was good for Deacon to see that you did actually care about each other. Even if it was an act on some part. “So, mama…” You smirked when he called you mama. It was such a small, yet telling term that you knew more than likely no one else would ever be called. “Our first day together as family…”

Deacon laughed as he pointed to each of his parents. “Mama… Daddy” He said brightly and both you and Negan beamed as you both praised him.

“That’s right baby boy..” You said brightly.

“My smart little man.” Negan added like the proud father he was. Negan turned to you and smirked. “So, I do need to rest a little bit but the weather is fucking amazing today.” You tilted you head as you listened to where he was going with this. “He is gonna need a nap in what an hour.” You nod quite proud of the fact that Negan was actually paying attention when you gave him instructions. “So what if we rustle up some food for the three of us and then maybe take a nap before I give Deacon his first baseball lesson.” You were surprised how simple and almost normal his plans were. It wasn’t the plans of a man trying to win someone over or manipulate you into anything. They were the type of plans that you had always imagined happy families had on some peaceful Sunday afternoon before the world went to hell.

The smile on your face grew as you gazed up at Negan who was still watching Deacon play. “That sounds really nice.” You thought for a moment as you looked at him, _He is so happy with Deacon… NO, you silly girl… he is happy with you. NO, why would he be happy with you? You are with someone else. He knows we will never happen…_ While you were lost in internal argument, you had nestled against Negan. Your hand resting against his stomach, your head just brushing his shoulder, _Shit… shit… what the fuck are you doing? UGH, why does this feel so nice? He is so warm and he never would just hold me like this before…_ You looked away from Negan and over at Deacon. _The baby… everything has to do with you gave him a son… you are the reason his line will continue… nothing more…but Simon adores you. He worships you. He is just as bad as Negan… Like Negan said it’s only a matter of time before he does something and it blows up in everyone’s faces._

You were lost in your own head and were grateful when Negan clasped his hand over yours and leaned in. “Does he like chicken?” Negan asked softly.

His tender tone shook you back to reality as you shook your head and shrugged. “Huh?” You pause for a moment and remember the question he had asked only moments before, “I don’t know, I don’t think he has ever had chicken.” You didn’t need to add the reasons why, because Negan knew them. You never had the points to spare. Meat was luxury most workers couldn’t afford. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t like it though.”

Negan gestured towards Deacon as he began to speak. “If this was before, I beat he would be a big fan of chicken nuggets. When I was teacher, all the kids fucking loved chicken nugget day. Hell I loved chicken nugget day.” You smirked up at him as he smiled warmly down at you.

You hadn’t known that Negan had been a teacher, it actually surprised you. “Wait… you were a teacher?” You asked quickly raising an eyebrow as you turned into him.

Negan chuckled nodded his head. “For 13 years.” He added as smirked down at you. You opened your mouth to speak but it was like Negan knew your question before you asked. “Gym… I was the P.E. teacher…” The notion of Negan running around all day in gym shorts, yelling at small children who never listened to the gym teacher made you smile.

“That is kinda precious..” Negan is slightly taken aback by the overly sweet tone in your voice. “I’m serious.” You added when you notice a questioning look spread across his face for a brief moment. “It kinda makes me trust you a little more with Deacon, if I am honest.” You admit softly.

“So glad the fact I spent the better part of my life teaching a bunch of kids how to play dodge ball makes you feel like our son is in safer hands.” He said with a laugh and your cheeks flushed a little at his joke. You didn’t mean it to come out the way it had. When you opened your mouth to explain Negan shushed you quickly. “Just go sit down, relax a bit. I’ll go radio for them to bring us up some food.” You let out a little frustrated huff, it was still odd for you that he had all these people at his beck and call. What made it worse was knowing that if you really wanted, they would be at yours too.

You settled down in the corner of Negan’s black, leather couch. You slipped your shoes off and tucked your legs under you and rested your head on the arm of the couch watching Deacon zoomed his little cars around making noises as he did so. _Is it wrong I really want him to come over and sit on the couch so I can somehow manage to get him to hold me again… yes that’s fucking wrong! You are with Simon…but he never just holds me like that and he doesn’t smell that good._ Slowly lifting your gaze from Deacon as your glanced over your shoulder to see Negan placing a walkie down on his bedside table and begin to make his way back towards the couch.

He clapped his hands together and smirked. “Food will be up shortly.” You give a small smile as he sat down on the couch closer to you than he had before. It took everything in you not to shift your position and nestle back into him as he draped his arm along the back of the couch. _You are with Simon.._ You sternly reminded yourself. _But what harm is there in a cuddle…really?_ After a few more moments of silently argument you gave into your strange desire to be close to Negan.

As you settled against him once more Negan chuckled softly. “Am I comfortable?” He asked sheepishly.

“Very.” You answered back with a soft chuckle. It was more than that. You didn’t want to admit it out loud, but last night it wasn’t worry about Simon that had kept you up for most of the night. It was worry over if Negan was going to make it back alive. The more you had thought about the idea of Negan being killed the more it sent you into a sheer panic. It was something you would never admit, not even to Sherry but all those old feelings were flooding back.

Negan’s arm slipped away from the back of the couch and wrapped around your shoulder pulling you closer against him. “I am not going to complain.” He murmured and you smirked.

It wasn’t but five or so minutes before Deacon wanted to climb up and join you both. He wedged himself between you and Negan and smirked happily as he pointed to each of you saying “Mama … Daddy..” his voice filled with so much joy. He really seemed to enjoy spending time with the both of you.

Negan began to tell Deacon a story you couldn’t tell if was true or made up but it was enough soon Deacon was nestled between you fast asleep before he had even had chance to eat his lunch. You laughed softly as you pointed down to Deacon. “He rarely just dozes off like this... only with you.” You note softly as you smooth your son’s soft curls as Negan started to very carefully move to pick the toddler up and move him.

“Well that makes me feel pretty damn special.” He picked up Deacon who stirred awake for a moment but quickly settled back down he realized it was Negan holding him. It was a sweet moment that made your heart swell with joy. Once the toddler was settled on Negan’s large, very comfortable looking bed, Negan began to saunter back over to the couch. Taking his time, enjoying the view of you sprawled out across the leather sofa your hands tangled in your hair as you let out large yawn yourself. “I thought I was the only one that was fucking exhausted.” Negan stated with a small chuckled as he sat back down on the couch and rubbed the side of his stubble covered chin.

You give him a slightly amused look. “Well I didn’t get much sleep last night.” You mumbled softly, almost hoping he wouldn’t have heard you even though he had his hand resting on your ankle.

Tilting his head slightly, Negan raised an amused eyebrow catching your mumbled admission. “Worried about Simon?” Negan asked sheepishly and for a moment you wanted to slap him but you settled for rolling your eyes as you shook your head.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled again and Negan once more took notice. His hand gripped your ankle as you peered up at him. He looked like the cat that caught the cannery and you hated to admit it made you smirk. “Don’t look at me like that…”

“Well if you weren’t up all night worrying about Simon… “ Negan started suggestively as he ran his hand up your leg a small amount as he leaned forward with a smirk playing on his lips. You playfully pushed him back with a laugh.

“Stop trying to get me to say it…” You laughed as he leaned back against the couch watching you intently.

“I am concerned,” Negan started with the most devious grin playing on his lips that made your heart skip a beat. _He never was like this before_ , you thought as you listened to Negan continue. “I mean… were you up all night because Deacon was fussy? Is he sick…”

You shook your head and bit your bottom lip as you took a deep breath before speaking, “You know why I couldn’t sleep.” You uttered softly as you sat up and leaned forward.

Negan smirked as he leaned forward. “You were up worrying about… me?” He asked softly and you just nodded unable to actually speak the words yourself. Negan grinned from ear to ear far too pleased with the notion that you in fact were sick with worry over him.

“Negan,” You started softly as you reached out and touched his arm.

“Don’t ruin my fucking moment (y/n)” he warned as he lifted his hand up as if it would stop you from speaking. You chuckled as you leaned back and smirked shaking your head. “Why won’t you just come back to me, you are the mother of my only child… my son… my boy…” He paused, his face shifting for a very serious gaze as he continued. “Don’t you think that makes you more important to me than the rest of them… puts you far above where they could ever be.” His words his you to the core in way you knew they would but wished they hadn’t. The smile faded away from your face as you cast your eyes to the floor.

With a small sigh you whispered, “You hurt me, in a way no one had before.” Glancing up for a moment you saw the pain spread across Negan’s face as you ran your hands through your hair letting out another sigh. Pinching the bridge of your nose you turned away from Negan, unable to look at him as you continued. “I wanted you to love me… I wanted you to see _me_ … to want _me.._ ” Negan stayed silent as you rubbed your temples as your continued. “This is nice, happy family… the three of us. But what’s the most you could ever offer me, off us?” You paused as you turned back around and looked at Negan who had a sullen and thoughtful look painted across his face. “Hmm? Two nights a week?”

“No.” Negan spat out quickly and aggressively. “You think you know fucking everything don’t you, sweetheart?” Negan leaned forward like he did when you were his wife. “You don’t know shit about what I would do.”

“Enlighten me.” You snap.

Negan leaned back and his tongue darted across his bottom lip as he started. “It wouldn’t be the same.” Negan started slowly. “I would, uh, have you and the kid, come here with me for starters.” You motion for him to continue, though you were still firmly with Simon in your mind. It was interesting to see how Negan would go about a second go around. “I would come back to you every night, because that’s what matters right? Who you come home to at the end of the night?” He said trying to make a point. You bob your head not quite nodding and rolled your eyes. Negan let out a little huff as he tried to think of something else that would make you consider his offer. “More freedom.. um… you wouldn’t have to wear the black dress.”

“I like that bit.” You chuckle softly.

Negan leaned forward and rested his hand on your thigh as he looked deep into your eyes, “You would be my wife… not one of the wives…” he promised. Again his words cut you to the core, they warmed you and stung at the same time.

_Bitch… you are with Simon. Don’t you fucking dare even entertain the asshole’s offer. Don’t fucking do it._ You conscious screamed as you took a deep breath. _He is Deacon’s father, that counts for so much these days. Not many children grow up with both their parents._ You reasoned back with yourself. _You care about Simon and he is enthralled with you… devoted to you… stop this stupid idea now._ But your heart wanted to win out. ”I want to say yes..I really do, Negan.” You finally utter softly.

“Then do it.” Negan urged.

You took a long moment and just looked at him and then over at Deacon. “It would be good for Deacon… he really seems to like having both of us together.”

Negan nodded and squeezed your thigh. “When I am out there.. dealing with assholes…I want to know you are laying in _our_ bed awake worrying about if _Daddy_ is going to come home or not.” Your cheeks flush at the way he says ‘Daddy’ as his grip on your thigh grows tighter. “Give me a chance to show you things will be fucking different… I never had the chance to be a better man for _her_ … let me be a better man for _you._ ”

There was part of you that just wanted to jump into his lap, wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him till you were both gasping for air but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. “You hurt me. You really fucking hurt me before…” You utter in part trying to talk yourself out accepting his offer.

Except Negan was quick to counter, “Let me show you… Simon will be gone for a few days…maybe a week. Stay right fucking here… with me, till he comes back. I got some minor fucking business to attend to but baby girl every other second of my time will be spent trying to prove to you I am the man who will make you fucking happy, keep you and our son protected and safe. Not Simon. If it doesn’t work out then, you go back to Simon and he will never been none the wiser and it’s fucking done.”

Almost instantly you felt your twist into a knot at the idea of entering into this twisted arrangement but it would be far from the worst you had entered into. Even with Negan. “Simon won’t know…” You asked softly worried more about encoring Simon’s legendary wrath than betraying his trust.

With a small smirk playing on his lips Negan nodded as he leaned forward. “What happens when he’s not here is none of his fucking business..” There was something about the way the words slipped from his lips that seemed devious, yet it only egged you on as it was meant to. 

Your eyes fixated on Negan’s hands you pondered the ramifications of your choice. _On one hand you are with Simon and regardless of what happens on some level this is cheating on him. On the other, well, this is what you had wished for when you came to him the first time. The happy life, the dream. This is your chance to see if you really want it with Negan or not._ Negan’s thumb brushed against the warn denim of your jeans, tracing small circles jarring you from your thoughts. “Alright.”

As soon as the words slipped from your lips a smile grew across Negan’s face. His eyes lit up and he looked like he had won the jackpot. “Well fuck, this has turned out to be a far better fucking day than I had anticipated.” He settled back on the couch and motioned for you to come back into his embrace.

_You’re really going to do this_ , that voice that sounded so much like your mother called out in your mind as you scooted across the smooth leather and nestled yourself in Negan’s arms. When he wrapped his arms around you this time, he interlaced his fingers with yours as he pulled you against him. He let out a groan as you both started to relax. “I never asked you how did things go… with that group?”

Negan let a grumble and mumbled something you couldn’t make out as pulled you tighter against him. “I made my point… not that way I wanted to but you do what you have to do.” He confessed as he rested his head on your shoulder. “I just want to make our lives better and help these people stay safe.”

“I know.” You reassure softly. You knew that Negan valued people above all else. They were a resource that took a long time to replenish. The more people you had working together in this world the safer everyone was, but you also knew Negan has a _certain_ way of dealing with things that many people found off putting.

Kissing your shoulder as he wrapped his other arm around you holding you tightly against his lean body he let out a dark chuckle. “You knew what I did when you saw the blood and you didn’t flinch… you didn’t look sick or disgusted. You just fucking told me to go clean myself up.” He sounded slightly amused and defiantly a little bewildered still on how you handled yourself.

“Well what do you want me to do? Cry? Scream? Call you monster?” You ask softly looking up over your shoulder at Negan. “You do what you have to do to protect us and I get it.” Negan looked down at you mildly amused as you spoke. “I do, if anything happened to Deacon, I would… I would lose my shit.”

Negan held you tightly and placed a quick kiss on the back of your head. “Nothing is ever going to fucking happen to that boy… you understand?” Negan declared emphatically. His words surprise you, it was the way he said it. How he wrapped his arms tighter around you as he spoke. The tone of fury bubbling just below the surface at the thought of anything happening to the child you shared. You hated to admit it but you liked seeing Negan get protective in such a manner.

Neither of you continued the conversation as you felt that nothing more really needed to be said on the matter. You settled into Negan and let out a long yawn as you rested you hand across his chest and closed your eyes listening the thumping of his heartbeat. It’s steady rhythm lulled you into a peaceful and much needed slumber. Negan too dozed off as well.

Neither of your even stirred till there was a loud pounding on the door. Which first caused Deacon to wake up shrieking, causing both you and Negan to wake up as well. Shooting up quickly and stumbling to your feet you cursed as you raced to comfort your startled son as Negan began to groan getting up from the couch. “This better be the fucking food…” Negan grumbled as he opened the door. Sure enough, it was the food and Negan motioned for the kitchen worker to bring it in before turning back towards you as you picked up Deacon and began to comfort him.

Negan stood back watching you intently as you nestled the small child against your chest and started to rock back and forth as you began to speak in a hushed, gentle tone. “Deacon, it’s okay… just a loud noise… mama’s here bubba.” Negan took a few steps forward and rested his hand on Deacon’s back as he leaned in and kissed the top of his head.

“It scared the shit out of daddy too buddy..” The worker was standing the middle of the room just staring at Negan waiting for some kind of direction. As Negan glanced back over his shoulder at the man standing there looking one part terrified an one part just plain lost. “You can fucking go now…” Negan growled. “You are lucky I don’t fucking dock points for waking my kid up and with that loud ass fucking cop knock.” He seethed before turning his full attention back to you and Deacon as the worker quickly scurried out of the room.

“Negan…” You caution softly as you knew what it was like to need ever single point and there was no way that the poor worker even knew the baby was asleep.

“He is lucky I am in such a damn good mood.” Negan leans in and surprised you as he kissed your cheek quickly, causing that same cheek to flush pink, before he turned around to make his way towards the food.

“Are you hungry bubby?” you asked Deacon softly as you just barely bounced him in your arms. The still sleepy child nodded his head as he let out a big yawn. “Come on… let’s eat with daddy…” A bright smile grows as you settled down next to Negan on the couch. Placing Deacon between you as the three of you settled into your first meal as family.


	8. Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and his family continue to enjoy a peaceful "normal" family day, then mama and Daddy get some alone time after the tiny human goes to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theses like family moments at the beginning of the chapter between our MC, Negan and Deacon are my favorite to write. Please make sure to read the much longer A/N at the end of the chapter. I just want to hedge some questions before they are asked! Thanks for all the lovely comments! Also if you would like to see graphics and playlists I have made/are making for this story make sure to go follow me on tumblr @darkly-dreaming-imagines. Please also note this story is not beta read, I am currently looking for a beta. Please don't forget to leave me a lovely little comment. They mean so much. Really… SO MUCH <3

Sharing a meal together was an experience. Deacon was amused by the new foods that were on his plate, except for peas. He knew all about peas and wanted nothing to do with them. Which Negan found quite amusing as he also despised the tiny green vegetable as a child. Overall, all by the time the plates were empty and bellies full, the three of you were in quite good spirits and Deacon was ready to go outside to play.

As you leaned forward and gathered the plates, despite Negan’s protest to just leave them, Deacon bounced excitedly as he asked “Go Play? Daddy, we go play?” like it was the most amazing notion in the world. You chuckled softly glancing over at Negan, who still looked extremely exhausted, who leaned forward to try and reason with his son.

“Deacon, my boy, you gotta give your old man a little break here.” Negan started and you let out sharp laugh as you scrapped the little scraps of food into a container to be taken out to the compost.

“You are the one who brought the whole thing up…” You laugh and Negan groans as he leaned back on the sofa. “You shouldn’t have said a word till you were ready to go. He doesn’t understand the concept of later.” You add as you set the plates down on a small kitchen table off in the far corner of the room. As you walk back over to Negan, who was now joined on the couch by Deacon, still trying to get his father to go outside, you smile brightly.

Though the circumstances were far from ideal, and the situation far from what you had expected. You actually nearly had the family wished you one day would have. For all his faults, Negan loved his son. The more time you spent with them both the more you saw it firsthand. The way his eyes would light up when Deacon comes in. How he doesn’t raise his voice with him, even when Deacon is being trying. Not a soul would have called Negan a patient man, but he was with his son. _I was wrong to keep Deacon from him. It was less painful for me but Deacon missed out on two years of a good father._ In this world you knew that two years was a lot longer than it used to be.

You walked up behind Negan and ran your hand over his shoulder which caused him to tilt his head back and smirk up at you. “Mama…” He said with a sly smirk and you could feel the flush in your cheeks return.

“Yes… _Daddy…_ ” You respond with sly smirk of your own playing on your lips.

Negan took in a sharp breath as you playfully called him _Daddy_   in a flirtatious manner. “Be careful how you say that… or… you may get more than you barging for missy.” He teased and while it was playful in nature there was an air of truth in what he said. The way he said it though still made you chuckle softly as you moved around the couch to sit back down.

As soon as you were settled on the couch Deacon scooted into your lap and started trying to convince you to take him outside. At first it was with a sweet smile. Then he tried to be extra sweet, but only managed to place a very sticky kiss half in your eye as he begged to “Go Play.” After a few more moments of watching you being attacked by a toddler Negan laughed as he reached over and picked Deacon up off your lap.

“Alright, leave your poor mother alone… Let me get my jacket and we will go play.” He conceded as he set Deacon down on the floor. The toddler let out a shrill, squeal of joy as he began to race around the room. “How do you have the energy to deal with this all day?” Negan ask with an amused look on his face.

You shrug. “Coffee, lots of coffee.” You both laugh and Negan leans in as if he was going to kiss you but stops himself short and clears his throat loudly as he quickly stands up. You pull back, almost wishing he would have kissed you. Negan dodged Deacon as he trailed off after his father bouncing with excitement as Negan slipped his jacket on. You let you a small groan as you stood up from the couch and walked over to where you had set Deacon’s bag. “Deaks… come here..” you call and the little boy comes racing over to you.

You pull out his sun glasses and little hat out of his bag and place them on him carefully. “Show Daddy.” You instruct and Deacon trotted back over to Negan to show him his little baseball cap and sunglasses. Negan beamed down at Deacon, he seemed genuinely amused.

After zipping up his now clean leather jacket Negan knelt down and pushed the bill of the cap up and smirked at the boy. “Well, look at you. My little lady killer.” Negan chuckled as Deacon grinned and nodded his head. “Come here my boy..” Negan mumbled as he scooped up the toddler and turned back to you. “Ready to go mama?” he asked raising an eyebrow as he glance down at Deacon making a silly face before the toddler turned to you as well.

“Ready go mama!?” Deacon echoed his father in both word and tone which made you smile.

“Yes, my boys…” you answer with a smirk as you walk over and give Deacon a kiss on the cheek as you fix his cap.

“Wanna grab Lucille for me, (y/n).” Negan asked softly as you were a few feet closer to his prized weapon. You nod as you reach over and pick up the bat. It felt heavy in your hand, weather it was the weight of the weapon itself or the women whose name it bore. You would never fully know. Negan set Deacon down and to a step towards you, one of his hands grazing your waist as the other reached down and took Lucille from you. His stubble brushed your cheek as he leaned down and whispered. “You know…none of the wives ever get to touch her…only you.” His voice was low and it sent a shiver straight to your core the caused your lips to part as you drew a sharp breath in.

“I feel so special.” You tried to keep the air of sarcasm to your voice but it slipped slightly as your eyes met his.

“Oh _baby girl_ , you are very fucking special.” Negan practically purred in your ear and you caught your breath. “It’s not ,strictly fucking speaking, part of our little deal… but after the squirt goes to bed, I would be more than happy to show just how absolutely fucking special you are my girl.” His words sent a shiver through your core as you swallowed hard. Negan’s finger’s graze your lower back as he finally moved around you to open the door. “Come on kid…” Negan held the door open for Deacon as the toddler began to trot down the hall. “Hold it there mister.” Negan called as you both tried to catch up to the energetic child. “Shit those little legs move fast.” Negan laughed as you both caught up and you couldn’t help but smirk up at him. You had never seen Negan so, at peace, even with everything that must have transpired during his mission. It was having a family. _He has always wanted a family… a kid…a wife…_ Your mind wandered as you walked next to Negan, your arm wrapped around his as Deacon raced ahead just a few feet, stopping occasionally to let you catch up

Once the three of you were outside Deacon made his way straight towards the fence and Negan scooped him up just before he got an arm’s length away. “Deacon, didn’t we just tell you about how you are NOT supposed to go near that damn fence the other day?” Negan asked sternly and Deacon shook his head. “Oh, really young man.”

“Deacon.. you know better… and you best listen to your daddy or you are marching that behind right back inside.” You add as you look up at the toddler who was trying very hard to wiggle his way out of his father’s arms. “Deacon… you know it’s dangerous out there. You can’t go out there… not till you are big.”

“Even then… you ain’t going out there without a whole mess of people.” Negan add sternly. He kissed Deacon’s forehead before setting him back on the ground and pointed him towards a small shed. “That way…go on…go see what’s in there.”

Soon Deacon was racing off towards the shed as you and Negan followed at much more leisurely pace. “What’s in there?”

“Toys… well outside toys.” Negan noted and you shook your head.

“What use is a shed full of fucking toys if he doesn’t have anyone to play with?”you asked sharply. You knew there were several children at the sanctuary who would have died to be able to play with the toys Negan had set aside for your son. “You should let all the kids play with the toys… plus it teaches Deacon how to share.” Negan glances at you out of the corner of his eye as he slowly nods his head. “Oh… please tell me you just agreed with me. Really… Negan…” You put your hand on his forehead like you were checking him for a fever. “You’re not warm…did you get hit in the head out there?”

Negan shook his head and glanced over at Deacon. “There was a kid in the group… 14, 15 tops… the leader’s kid…”

As Negan started to talk you instantly got nervous. “You didn’t…”

“God no… shit (y/n)… give me more credit than that.” He glared at you as he mumbled half under his breath “I’m not Simon…” before turning his gaze back to Deacon. “I just… want my boy to grow up to be a good man. To survive in this world…”

You let the backhanded comment about Simon slide as you nodded your head. Negan went to go help Deacon open the shed door and pull out a plastic t-ball set. You stood back and let the two of them have their time. It was interesting for you to see how different Deacon was with Negan. He hung on his father’s every word. Listened to the very simple instructions Negan was giving him as he helped him hold the plastic bat and try to hit the little plastic ball. It took Deacon several tries but he finally hit the ball and Negan’s face lit up as he praised his son.

They kept at it for some time, till finally Negan said enough. “Alright little man… you done wore out your old man…” He said with a laugh as picked up the toys and put them back in the shed before closing the door. “Go get Mama and lets head on back inside and get you ready for bed…” Deacon almost instantly started protesting at the mention of ‘bed’ and Negan gave him a stern look. “Don’t start..” He cautioned.

You tried to hide your smirk behind your hand as Deacon walked over to you and held out his hand and grumbled about ‘bath time’ as he glanced over his shoulder at his father. Negan sauntered over to you and leaned in “Get him ready for bed, I have to deal with something real quick.” He whispered so Deacon wouldn’t hear.

“Well where do you want me to take him?” You asked back in a hush tone. Negan took a deep breath and thought for a moment.

“Your room, get him settled in his own bed. I will meet you there.” He leaned in and placed another tender kiss on your cheek that caused your cheeks to flush. He notices it and looks pleased with himself as he pats Deacon’s head. “Listen to your mother…” Negan instructs as he walks in the opposite direction that you and Deacon head in.

In spite of his father’s instructions Deacon didn’t listen as well as he could have during bath time and fought you tooth and nail on getting in the tub, including trying to escape down the hall in nothing but his birthday suit but you caught him just before he ran out the door. He was plenty tired after his valiant effort to avoid a bath that actually getting him settled down and asleep was far less of a struggle.

Just a short time after Deacon had settled into bed Negan came strolling into your room, not knocking guessing that the toddler would be sleeping. In his hand he had a set of baby monitors and a smirk playing on his lips. You peaked up at him from your position sprawled across your couch and let out a small huff of a chuckle. “Where did you get those?”

“I have my ways…” He teased with a smirk as he switched one on and walked over to the crib where Deacon slept and propped it up in the corner of the crib before switching on it’s pair. “Come on..” Negan had a devious smirk playing on his lips and you knew that ‘come on’ was instruction not a request. You slowly stand up from the couch, rubbing your eyes as you do so. Negan stretched out leather glove clad hand and you took it all though you were nervous of his plans. You walked the short distance to Negan’s room and once inside your heart began to race.

Negan placed the white, plastic baby monitor on the nightstand before turning back to you. His gaze was dark and filled with lust. He licked his lips as he stepped forward towards you. His hand reached up and cupped your cheek. “Did you have a good day, baby girl?” He asked in a tender tone that caught you off guard.

“Yes” You utter softly, your heart still racing, you breaths shallow as you look up at Negan.

“Do you think you want to take me up on that offer from earlier? To show you just how special you are…” Negan loomed over you, his dark eyes transfixed on your lips as the parted trying to search for your answer.

Your body was screaming yes, you wanted Negan so badly you could hardly think straight. Your mind though was trying to argue that you were with Simon. Your bottom lip quivered as Negan leaned in and finally captured your lips with his. You had been waiting all day for him to do it, you wished he hadn’t because your body answered for you. Your hands slip around his neck and rake through the back of his hair pulling him deeper into the kiss as Negan’s hands started to roam down your body. As his hands brushed against your breasts hands still exploring your body as slipped under your shirt, running back up to find you were not wearing a bra. You had taken it off when you were getting Deacon settled.

“I’m still waiting for an answer baby girl…” Negan teased as his leather clad thumb brushed across your nipple causing you to take a sharp breath in as you nod your head. “Oh you gotta say it baby…” Negan chided softly as he placed the index finger of his other than on your lips. “You better say something before I put this sweet, sassy little mouth to far better uses…” His words sent a wave of heat straight to your core and you could feel your wetness growing.

“Yes… I want you…” You mumble softly against his finger. Negan smirked deviously as he pulled his finger away from your lips and pointed towards the bed.

“Get naked… and get on the bed.” Negan growled as he pulled the glove off his hand and tossed it aside watching you like a starving wolf stalking it’s prey as you slipped your shirt off over your head and pushed your jeans over your hips first, and stepping out of them before kicking off your shoes. Last to come off were your panties which were damp from your arousal. As you slipped them off you tossed them towards Negan who was standing. He smirked as he leaned down and picked them up feeling the dampness. “Oh my baby girl is fucking ready for Daddy to come fucking home… yes she fucking is..” Negan purred as you climbed up on the bed and spread your leg beckoning him towards you.

Negan needed no more invitation that than that. He tossed your panties aside and strode over towards you. His hand going directly between your thighs as he leaned in and planted a hungry, passionate kiss on your lips. His nimble, rough fingers slid between your folds. Coating themselves in your arousal before slipping deep with your core. Your muscles tense at the intrusion at first, but Negan wasted no time setting about finding the sweet little spot deep within you. You moan his name against his lips and Negan murmurs back. “Call me Daddy.. that shit gets me fucking hard as fuck when you say it…” He pulls back and pulls his fingers from your core and brings them to his lips tasting you before he pushes your legs apart wider and kneels at the edge of the bed between them. His hands snake around your thighs as he licks his lips hungrily. “Move that fine ass closer baby girl.” He growled in a low tone as he yanked you towards the edge of the bed.

You let out a breathless moan as he started slowly kiss up your inner thighs as one his hands moved back between your thigh and started to tease you. He ran his long fingers first around your outer folds, teasing your clit as spread your lips open. He ran his index finger up and down, coating it in your juices before he slipped it back within your dripping core. You moan “Oh Daddy..” As his mouth soon joins in, his tongue darting up and down your folds, teasing your clit. His assault only egged on by the moans escaping from your lips.

Every movement of his silver tongue caused a wave of pleasure to wash over you. You writhe on the bed as Negan does his best to ensure you come undone before him. His finger is joined by a second, you hips instinctively met each on his hand’s movements as you grind against his face. “Oh my egger girl..” Negan murmurs as he pauses for a moment. His graying beard glistens with your juices as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your sopping wet pussy. “Look at you making such a fucking glorious mess for me. I bet Simon doesn’t make this fucking pretty little cunt half as wet..” Negan growled jealously as he pushed a third finger inside, stretching you in the most delicious way. Arching your back you let out a throaty moan as your hands grip the covers. “Oh I know he doesn’t make you moan like that..” Negan seems quite stratified with his achievement as he feels your walls begin to tighten around his fingers. He pulls them out abruptly and tuts. “Not yet baby… you ain’t going to cum unless you are coming on this fat fucking cock… understand baby girl?” Negan reaches down and grabs your face roughly making you look at him. “You want to cum on Daddy’s fat cock? Or should I keep teasing that pretty little pussy some more?” He laughed darkly as his other hand slips between your thighs once more and begins to tease your tender, swollen clit.

You whimper under his touch, he wants you to beg. “Please Daddy..”You moan softly as he continues to tease. “I… ugh….fuck…I want your fuck…” You groan as you feel yourself getting closer to that glorious edge. “I need your cock Daddy… I need to cum..” You moan loudly, loud enough you were sure if anyone were in the halls they would have heard every singly syllable.

Negan pulls his hand away and finally moves to undo his belt. You were lost in a lust filled haze you hardly payed attention until you noticed his pants in a heap beside and Negan grabbing your leg as he positioned himself between your thighs. His other hand was gripped around his thick, throbbing cock as he ran it up and down along your entrance coating the head completely in your juices. Your hands move to push up his white shirt as you lean up and pull it off over his head. He leaned down his head down and captured your lips in a passionate and lust filled embrace as you tossed his shirt to the floor. Negan breaks the kiss as he finally pushes himself deep inside you with a slow thrust. You let out a breathy moan as your hands grip at his hips. Negan groans as he feels your slick heat stretch around his girth.  It had been years since you had been with Negan, but it had never been like this.

He rocked his hips back and forth slowly. Each of his movements causing tiny shivers of pleasure to run all the way down to your toes. They curled as your wrapped your legs around Negan’s waist, urging him deeper. Your eyes flutter open and fix on Negan’s face, the devilish smirk playing on his lips from watching you writhe in pleasure beneath him. His hand trails up and pushed a few strands of hair away from your cheek as he leaned down to kiss you tenderly. He groaned against your lips as you dig your heals into his back trying to force him to fuck your harder, so lost in the sensations of it all you couldn’t find the words. Negan chuckled as he mumbled “Mmmm my dirty girl..” He purred as he leaned back and slipped from your now dripping core before he climbed onto the bed and laid bad. “Come here and bounce on Daddy’s fat cock… “ he smirked as he wiggled his hips causing his cock to sway making you chuckle softly as you crawled across the bed and straddled Negan’s hips. “Oh was that funny baby girl?” Negan asked sheepishly as his hands gripped your thighs as one of your hands slipped between your thighs and gripped Negan’s cock.

You smirked and licked your lips as your gave his cock a few lazy strokes, “It was mildly amusing.” You uttered softly as positioned his cock at your dripping core as you eased yourself down. Negan let out a deep moan as you enveloped him once more. “Oh yes.” You moan as you began to move your hips around in a slow circular motion. Negan seemed to be rather pleased with that particular motion as you noticed he caught his breath as you changed the direction you were moving your hips. “Oh Daddy,” you moan as you lean forward and tangle you hands in Negan’s hair.

Negan’s hands slide up and grip your ass you begin to rock your hips forward forcing Negan deeper inside of you. He gave your ass a firm smack as he leaned up and kissed you passionately. His hands grip your hips tightly, forcing you to change your pace and slow down as he wanted to saver every moment of this. “Not so fast baby girl…” He warned softly as he kneaded your ass roughly.

In on swift movement Negan rolled you on to your back as a devilish grin grew on his lips. His hands moved up from your ass and trailed up your sides before he began kneed you breasts roughly before dipping his head down and capturing one of perk nipples in his mouth. The sensation of his tongue swirling around the sensitive numb you tilted your head back slightly as you let out a loud moan. Your hands rake down the back of Negan’s neck and down his back as he continues to push you closer to your much need release. Your hands trailed back up and gripped Negan’s hair as he continued to tease you with his mouth and assault your pussy. You felt a tightness in your belly grow as you toes curled feeling your release dangerously close.

Negan lifted his head and captured your lips in a rough kiss as his pace began to quicken. “Cum for me baby…” Negan mumbled against your lips as he reached up and pealed your hands away from his head and pinned them above your head as his thrusts grew more violent as you began to clench around him, bliss crashing over you.

“Negan..” You moan raggedly as your legs shake from your intense orgasm. Your wetness grew with your release and it only urged Negan on. He let out a primal growl as he bucked his hips wildly before he thrust hard up into you and let out a deep moan as he filled you with is seed thrusting his hips a few more times before stilled.

He released your wrists as he smirked. “Oh fuck, (y/n)…” He chuckled as he leaned down and kissed you tenderly before he rolled off you and went to find something to for both of you to clean up with.

“As good as you remembered?” you ask playfully as you sit up enjoying the view of naked Negan pulled two hand towels out of a drawer. Negan raised and eyebrow and shook his head as he tossed you one of the towels before he began to clean himself up.

“Oh baby it was so much fucking better… how the fuck did I fuck things up with us? I mean I know how but I was such a fucking idiot.” He admitted with a joking tone but you knew he question was serious as Negan’s dark amber eyes focused on you.

You spread your legs and he instinctively licked his lips as he watched you clean up from your love making as you answered him. “Well you do have a second chance…of sorts.” You said with soft chuckle as Negan laid down on the bed and patted the bed next to him for you join him.

Curled up in his arms you chatted ideally about the dreams that you both had for the family that you could have together as you both drifted off to sleep. It was a few hours later when the distinct sound of Deacon’s scream came crackling over the baby monitor. “Babe..” You groaned as you tried to push Negan’s arm off you after Deacon’s first cry. “Babe… the baby…” You mumbled softly but Negan just pulled you closer. It wasn’t until he heard Deacon cry out ‘MAMA! DADDY!’ did he jar awake.

You both scrambled half asleep to find clothes. You pull on Negan’s white t-shirt and his boxers as Negan pulls on his jeans. “Come on lets go see what’s the matter with our little man.” Negan wrapped his arm around you and pulled him in as you nodded slowly as you yawned. “Poor mama…” Negan chuckled.

“Who’s fault is it I am so tired…” You grumbled back, you were never one to be pleasant when you were abruptly woken up.

Negan chuckled softly as he pushed open his down and you both took the short walk down the hall and opened the door to your room. Deacon was standing up in his crib. His hands gripped the crib rail as he let out a wail seeing his parents in the low light on the night. “Hey now bubby…” You start softly as you moved away from Negan and went to pick Deacon up. His little arms wrapped around your neck as he laid his head on your shoulder.

“Mama..” Deacon mumbled against your shoulder.

“Eh, what am I? huh mister man?” Negan teased as he rubbed Deacon’s back and the little boy lifted his head and small smirk grew on his face as he saw his father.

“Dada… my dada..” Deacon mumbles sleepily as he reached out for Negan who smirked and took him from your arms. Deacon leaned his head against Negan’s shoulder and you couldn’t help but smile.

Negan pointed with his free hand towards Deacon’s crib. “Get blankie and we will take him back to our room.” You smirked at him calling it ‘our’ room, even if it was a slip, as you walked over to Deacon’s crib and grabbed his blue and white baby blanket.

You got Deacon back to Negan’s room and got him settled down, and Negan changed into a pair of sweatpants before crawling back into bed. “My girl… my boy…” Negan mused softly as settled in. Deacon was laying between you both cuddled up with his beloved blankie.  You smirked and nodded your head slowly. Negan reached out trailed his fingers down your forearm as he smirked. “Maybe one day, if all goes well, we will have a whole mess of kids. A couple more boys… maybe a girl or two..”

“Are you gonna carry all these babies? I was absolutely miserable when I pregnant with Deacon. I was sick all the time…” You started to complain as you yawned.

Negan shook his head. “This time baby girl it will be different. You got daddy right here to take care of his family and pamper the shit out of you while you are cooking the next one.” He smirked and you started shaking you heard. “Wait and see darling… wait and see.” Negan teased as he leaned over the sleeping Deacon as he kissed you goodnight. “Goodnight darling…”

“Night Daddy..” You say with a sly smirk and Negan chuckles softly.

It was the first night that your family spent the night together and you were at the most peace you had ever been since all the hell of this new world start as you fell asleep in Negan’s bed. There was a tinge of guilt in the back of your mind over betraying Simon but this was your family, as much as you and Negan had your issues. He was changing. For you and far more importantly, for Deacon. He was a good father, a loving father and much different man than the one you were married two years before. It left you with a lot of think about over the course of the next few days and Negan was going to be doing his best to win you back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t hate on me for the whole cheating thing… it happens it’s not healthy… it’s not meant to be healthy and lets face it… a healthy relationship does not a drama make. The whole part about them sleeping together is kinda important long term plot line and matters as far as some end game plots go without giving away too much. It really is meant to set the MC off kilter on emotional level so when events happen a few chapters down the line responses from people will be warranted. The fact she slept with Negan doesn’t mean Simon is out of play completely. We have to wait and see what happens. We have one more Negan focused part before Simon comes back, there is going to be a discussion had about what things mean and the MC is going to seek advice from a very unlikely source, Dwight. Which I have been waiting to have them interact 1 on 1 for quite some time. We get to learn all sorts of fun details about Dwight and our MC’s history.   
> Feel free to leave me comment bellow about any thoughts or stuff… love comment. I try to reply to all of them <3


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